Use the “Why?” question to your advantage

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Important note related to the “Why?” question

Generally, ask the “Why?” question only with positive, beneficial or helpful things and not with negative, disadvantageous or unhelpful things. This is because the “Why?” question more often assumes something is true and seeks confirmation.

Usually a good substitute for the “Why?” question is a question such as:

  • How?
  • What?
  • Where?
  • Who?

Focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want!

Ask a “Why?” question that is focused on what you do want (which is positive, beneficial and helpful) rather than what you don’t want!

For example:

This is helpful: “Why is this so easy?”

This is not helpful: “Why is this not working for me?”

A better question here might be (focused on what you do want):

  • “How could I make this easier?”
  • “What would make this easier?”
  • “Where could I get better at this?”
  • “Who could help me with this?”

Ask “Why?” questions only in positive, beneficial and helpful situations! Whenever you realize that something has positively changed or when you have gained an insight, ask a “Why?” question to reinforce it, magnify it and therefore make it concrete.

For example:

  • “Why is this important?”
  • “Why is this better?”
  • “Why is this more fun?”
  • “Why is this more beneficial?”
  • “Why is this helpful?”

Other good “Why?” questions might include:

  • “Why do I feel so good?” (in good events)
  • “Why is this so funny?” (in funny events)
  • “Why do I like this so much?” (in fun events)
  • “Why is this so much fun right now?” (in fun events)
  • And so on, for positive and/or beneficial events.

In negative and disadvantageous situations, avoid asking “Why?” questions!

Your thinking is compelled to try to answer every question. Even if it doesn’t know the answer, it will try to come up with something. For example, it might say:

“It’s probably because …..”

or

“Maybe because…”

Even if it says “I don’t know,” that is also an answer.

That’s why in negative and disadvantageous situations, it is really recommended not to ask “Why?” questions!

  • A “Why?” question contains tense energy and creates limited, fixed structures.
  • A “Why?” question seeks confirmation and assumes that the suggestion is already true.
  • A “Why?” question not only seeks confirmation but emphasizes, reinforces and makes the assumption concrete. Or it creates resistance if you argue against it.

That’s why it is highly recommended to ask “Why?” questions only in positive and beneficial situations.

For example, when asking, “Why am I so stupid?” you assume that you are stupid and instruct your thinking to find reasons that prove that idea is true.

If the answer is, “I am not stupid,” resistance is created because one thought says you are stupid and another says you are not. Then you can keep going around in the mental labyrinth of thinking. This can be, to put it mildly, really exhausting!

Identity or behavior? The here and now or the past?

The question, “Why am I so stupid?” is also an identity statement. “I am” is about your identity in the here and now.

So you did something in the past (even if it just happened), but you say it as if it is happening NOW! This is not true! And you pretend it’s your identity, when it’s actually about your behavior.

What’s better to ask here is, “What made me do stupid things in the past?”

Now it’s about your past behavior. This is more accurately phrased and it is also true!

That’s why it’s better to use a “Why?” question especially in positive and beneficial situations and solution-oriented questions like “How? What? Where? When?” in negative and disadvantageous situations to get out of them.

If you do accidentally ask a “Why?” question in negative and disadvantageous situations, you can always ask these three empowering questions to yourself (related to the situation) immediately afterwards.

The three empowering questions, “What? How? Why?”

  1. “WHAT did I learn from that?”
  2. “And now that I know this, HOW am I going to do it differently and better from now on?”
  3. “And now that I realize this, WHY is this better?” (Keep repeating this question with each positive answer.)

By the way, you can always ask these three empowering questions with any situation in your daily life, regardless of whether it is beneficial or disadvantageous!

For example:

“Why do I always fail to have a good relationship?”

Immediately after, ask the question, “WHAT did I learn from that?” (from the relationships)

Answer: “I didn’t show my real self because I was too afraid of rejection.”

Then ask the question, “And now that I know this, HOW am I going to do things differently and better from now on?”

Answer: “I’m going to work on myself more so that I can better deal with rejection, and so that I can show increasingly more of my real self.”

Next you ask the question, “WHY is it better to work on myself and show my real self?”

Answer: “Because I want to have a good relationship.”

Question: “WHY do I want to have a good relationship?”

Answer: “Because I want to connect more and better.”

Question: “WHY do I want to connect more and better?”

Answer: “Because I want to be happy.”

(And so on!)

Use super-simple conversational hypnosis

You can create a conversational hypnosis suggestion focused on what you do want, with all the wonderful insights you’ve gained during your questioning process. Example:

“From now on I choose to ……”

“From now on, I choose to show my real self because I want a good relationship, this way I can also connect better and become much happier.”

And then take action in line with this statement! Realize it!

You can also compare it to your original statement and realize how differently it FEELS!

Example:

(Focused on what you don’t want)

“Why do I always fail to have a good relationship?”

has been changed to

(Focused on what you do want)

“From now on, I choose to show my real self because I want a good relationship, this way I can also connect better and become much happier.”

Do you feel the difference? If so?

Take action in line with your new statement!

Turn a “Why?” question around

Focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. When you ask yourself, “Why am I so stupid?” you focus on what you don’t want. That’s why its helpful to ask yourself, “What’s the opposite of this?” or “What do I want?”

Then you can ask questions such as:

  • “Why would I want to be ___?”
  • “Why is it important to  ___?”

This way, you can easily turn the “Why?” question around so that it works in your favor.

Example:

Ask, “Why am I so stupid?”

Realizing that this is not what you want and therefore not helpful, you can ask yourself, “What do I want?”

Answer: “To be clever.” So you could ask, “Why am I so clever?”

Answer: “But I’m not clever.”

Ask, “Why would I want to be clever?” (by asking this question, you turn it around)

Answer: “Because then I can do things I want to do.”

Question: “Why do I want to do things I want?”

Answer: “Because it makes me happy.”

Question: “Why does it make me happy?”

Answer: “Because happiness is important to me.”

Question: “Why is happiness so important to me?”

Answer: “Because I want to feel good.”

Question: “Why do I want to feel good?”

Continue like this until there are no more answers.

You can then create a conversational hypnosis suggestion focused on what you do want, with all the beautiful insights you discovered during your questioning process.

Example:

“From now on, I start taking the right actions so that I become increasingly more cleverer, because it is important to do the things I want, as this makes me feel good and it makes me even more happier.”

And then take action in line with this statement! Realize it!

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