Self-love – Write a hypnotic letter to your unborn self

Writing a hypnotic letter to your unborn self is a very empowering method of giving unconditional love to yourself at the core level (Unconditional love = Self-love) and at the same time, it allows you to become aware of what is important in life and make a list of what you have learned till now.

Why write this letter to the unborn you? Because the unborn you is totally innocent. The unborn you deserves unconditional love, is totally worthy and is obviously enough.

You can use this letter to help you focus on the most fundamental things in life that’s important for any innocent baby at the start of its life to know. For instance:

  • “You are loved unconditionally”
  • “You are enough”
  • “You are worthy”
  • “You deserve happiness”
  • And so on.

Also you can list the important insightful things in life that you have learned. For example: Be kind to yourself and others, respect yourself and others. Instead of comparing and focusing on what you haven’t got, focus on and appreciate what you’ve already got. Instead of constantly judging yourself, ask yourself what you have learned and use those insights to do it better next time and so on.

Why is this letter hypnotic? Because writing a letter like this its just like a hypnotic regression.

One of the benefits of a hypnotic regression is that the older you can give insights, wisdom and knowledge to the younger you, and by doing this you can change the way you perceive that past in this future here and now.

This is because the unborn / baby you is the innocent you on which your whole life is built upon. You could call this your heart or your soul or your consciousness. It is the foundation and core of everything you are and will become.

So if you change things at that basic level, any perspectives, meanings and beliefs that comes after it will also change to match up to the new insights and understandings.

Hindsight is 20/20

Have you ever thought:

“If I knew then what I know now things would have been very different and I would have done it differently” 

If this is the case this means that you have learned something new now that you didn’t know then.

So imagine that you went through your life thinking that you were not good enough because that’s what you were constantly told by the authority figures in your life, but then later on you learned that that wasn’t true.

How would have you approached things differently then if you knew you were good enough?

How would this have changed you mentality, confidence, self-image, expectations, motivation and so on?

How would have things been different?

Imagine your life for a moment as a stream of water that comes from a spring, and imagine that the water has been coloured with the colours that your parents have given it and is still being coloured by those colours because that’s what the programming is constantly doing to it.

If you change the colour of the water from now on, that’s great but all the streaming from just before now all the way back to the source of the stream wont be changed and will be still effecting your past programming / conditioning. But if you change the colour of the water from the source then everything after that will be affected, and therefore everything that happened in the past in the stream of time from the beginning of your life to now will also be influenced and changed. This will then obviously effect your past programming and conditioning.

Therefore when looking back into the imaginary past all the events between here and now will be coloured with the new insights, understandings and revelations. So for instance when you look at a situation in the past when it seemed like you were not good enough suddenly you can perceive it from another perspective with the revelation that you actually were good enough and still are now.

Hypnosis is happening all the time

Most people don’t realize that when you imagine or pretend you automatically go into hypnosis and the more absorbed you become in the imagining or pretending the deeper the hypnotic experience will be.

A part of you is always in hypnosis because a part of you is always open to suggestion. This is why hypnosis is happening all the time. People switch in and out of different trances all the time. Sometimes the transition is instant and sometimes its gradual.

We imagine or pretend that there really is a thing that we call the past, but the ‘past’ does not exist in the physical world, it only exists in the mental dream world in our imagination and even though we cant change past events that have already happened, we can always change the way we perceive them by gaining new insights, shifting perspectives, changing the meanings and also the importance we give to any past experience.

Changing the disadvantageous to advantageous by changing the past’ 

From my own experience I can give these examples: I used to have long and deep depression phases in which I would often think of suicide as the only way out and those times were very hard especially when I became all serious and lost my humor and ability to laugh which had always helped me through those difficult phases.

At the time those were the worst periods of my life but when I gained the insight that all feelings are honest subconscious communications and the feeling of depression only came because I was ignoring other feelings that were there for a very long time (like, sadness, rejection, disappointment etc.) and were trying to communicate with me then it became easier to connect with all these feelings by applying self-love so I could heal properly inside. More info on self-love here: Self-love

So one of the main insights (I had many) was to understand how my feelings and intellect communicate with each other and use that to receive the communication, and use it to my advantage to be able to heal, and later on to also help other people to help themselves so that they can also to heal (a beautiful gift to be able to do)

The perspective changed from:

“Those times were the worst times in my life”


“Those times taught me very valuable and important insights so that I could help myself and also others later on.” (both of these perspectives are true but I choose to focus more on the empowering one because its to my advantage to do so)

The meaning changed from:

“I am a victim and powerless” (victim mentality)


“I am responsible for my own happiness and have been gifted with empowering insights, understandings and wisdom to help me and others.” (empowered mentality)

This is one of the biggest differences between a victim mentality and an empowered mentality.

A victim mentality only thinks in judging, blaming, beating and punishing (yourself) and that makes you stay stuck in the imaginary past.

It also creates sympathy from others which the victim mentality/identity loves because it strengthens it. (Sympathy is the oppositie to empathy)

An empowered mentality thinks in; What can I learn from this? and applies these important insights next time. You take responsibility in the here and now for what you can do NOW and choose to actually do it!

This way you move forward instead of getting stuck in an imaginary past. You learn from your ‘mistakes’ so to speak.

The importance changed from:

“I have to hold on to the past because I’ve suffered so much and been wronged”


“Once the lessons have been learned and I have healed those parts of me, the past is not important and can be let go of. The here and now is important, and I have been given these insightful gifts to be able to help myself and others in the present.”

Self-rejection happens in our thinking, not in our hearts.

If you do already love yourself unconditionally then writing this type of letter will come much more easier to you than if you think you don’t love yourself unconditionally. Later on I will give you some tips how to do this even if you think you don’t love yourself so you also can write a hypnotic empowering letter to the unborn you.

If you think that you don’t love yourself unconditionally then that will be the programming in your thinking saying that because your heart would never say that. Only the programming in the intellect would ever say that, and we receive this programming in the beginning of our life first and foremost from the authority figures in our life like our parents or guardians, and also other family members, and then friends, acquaintances, teachers and so on.

When we are very young we are very open to suggestion from the authority figures in our life because we haven’t yet learned how to do things ourselves, and we do want to learn. We are very curious, playful, willing to experiment and make mistakes and have very little negative programming telling us we are not good enough, stupid, ugly, a disappointment, not loveable and so on.

Your programming / conditioning creates your subjective reality and your subjective reality is your personal hypnosis which is also your personal truth

If you understand how this works then you can also understand that there’s never anything really wrong with the real (innocent baby) you.

You could call this ‘innocent baby you’ your heart or your soul or your consciousness.

There’s only something wrong with the programming in your ‘biological computer’ (your body/mind) and this programming can be updated and changed at any time if you know how to do it.

This inner programming or with other words this conditioning, creates your personal hypnosis.

You can think of it like this simple equation:

Trance + Suggestion = Hypnosis

Or to put it another way:

Focus of attention (trance)

+ Perceived information (suggestion)

= The programming of your biological computer and the experience that is created from the programming/ conditioning (hypnosis)

We all have the ability to realize, perceive and therefore experience what is happening. This is true for us ALL

In this sense the hypnosis is the experience that is created by the programming / conditioning that you have accepted to be ’true’

This is a personal truth, it is not THE TRUTH because it just depends on which way you look at it.

There is only one truth (The truth) that is true for us all, and this is that we all have the ability to realize, perceive and therefore experience what is happening.

The rest is a temporary subjective (personal) truth that is influenced by the filters that we use and the programming / conditioning that we have that is greatly created by the language we have learned.

So for instance if your programming says that you are not worthy, you are not enough, you don’t deserve love, etc. then this programming will create that experience because it will create a certain mentality, filters and expectations through which you perceive the world.

Language is very powerful and can easily hypnotize you, so its important to have the right automatic thinking patterns programmed into your thinking because these automatic (subconscious) thinking patterns are constantly hypnotizing you and continually creating your mental reality with which you perceive the world, and your reality is your hypnosis.

So in this case this programming / conditioning (hypnosis) will give you the experience that; you are not worthy, you are not enough, you don’t deserve love. This will often create a certain type of behaviour which will also invite others to treat you in that way and therefore create a feedback loop which will strengthen the hypnosis (in this case the experience of not being enough)

For instance a certain type of behaviour might be that you might try to ‘prove’ that you are good enough by showing that you are very good at something by achieving certain goals.

Your programming might have been that you only receive love, attention, appreciation from your parents (or guardians) when you get good grades, achieve certain goals and live up to their expectations. I call this ‘The mental equation’

The mental equation in this case would be: Achieving goals = I am good enough, therefore if I don’t achieve the goals it means that I am not good enough, and then the negative self-talk (the programming) will kick in to tell you that you are not good enough and hypnotize you even more into believing this and strengthen the feedback loop.

Or you might not even try to achieve anything because you just don’t believe you are good enough anyway and you could never achieve what is required. In this case you might develop an ailment or problem with which you get sympathy which isn’t exactly love but its better than nothing.

The mental equation in this case would be: Having my ailment / problem = I am loved, therefore if I loose this ailment/problem it will mean that I wont get any love at all so I need to hold on to it. I had this myself with hay fever for about 3 months a year for about 40 years!

The mental saboteur

Or your intellect might create a ‘saboteur’ in your thinking. This ‘saboteur’ will try to protect you from what it thinks is a problem (painful feelings) by sabotaging every effort you take to try to achieve something because it ‘believes’ from the mental programming that you are not good enough and therefore you will fail.

If you do fail, that failure will resonate with the mental programming that you are not good enough and therefore ‘confirm’ that you don’t deserve any love so it try’s to ‘protect’ you by discouraging you to even start something by giving you a lot of negative self-talk that it got from your parents / guardians. This way the disappointment wont be so big.

Think of it like you are going to climb a mountain but there is a belief that you wont be able to do it because you will fall. The higher you get up the mountain the bigger the fall will be if you fall. Therefore the saboteur will try stop you even trying to climb it so that you wont be able to fall, and if you do start to climb it and you do fall the disappointment will be less and the pain wont be as great. A belief might be created that says:

“Believing I can achieve = Disappointment = Never try”


“I am not worthy of love which means = There’s no point in trying”

However if your programming / conditioning says that you are worthy, you are enough, you do deserve love, then this programming will create that experience.

Because the intellect lives in duality it will judge if the love is deserved based on the programming / conditioning that’s been accepted as the truth. This love is therefore conditional.

And because the heart lives in non-duality there will be no judgement. The heart doesn’t know how to judge. Judgement happens in our thinking. For the heart there is only the recognition that when we are born everyone is innocent and therefore deserves love. This love is therefore unconditional and because this unconditional love is not mental it doesn’t have to fit in to the mental equation or mental structures created by the programming or conditioning.

The mental equation 

This mental equation is a mental construction in your thinking (your programming / conditioning) in which you have to have, do, or be something in particular to ‘prove’ that you are good enough or worthy of love.

On a deep level you know that you always are good enough because when you were born you were totally innocent. From life’s point of view on a being level this is true just because of the fact that you are alive.

But on a mental level you have to prove to the authority figures in your life (and maybe others) that you are good enough and therefore the mental equation gets made inside your programming and this equation says, you have to have, do or be something to ‘prove’ that you are enough, that you are loved, that you are appreciated. If you do what is expected of you then you get the cookie so to speak and if not, no cookie for you.

In this metaphor the cookie is: Love. Attention. Appreciation. To know that you are enough Etc.

This is conditional love because you have to meet certain expectations and conditions to get the prize otherwise no love for you, no attention for you or no appreciation for you because you have to ‘earn’ it.

But this ‘proof’ is only in the mental dream world of thinking and we can investigate this realization to see if its true by asking this simple question:

“Without using thinking and language what would the word ‘enough’ even mean?”

The answer is simple, it wouldn’t mean anything at all because it would just be a sound with no meaning assigned to it.

So if you drift back now in time as though your rewinding a film or going to the start of a book to when you were very first born and lets say you are around six months, and you are lying there in your cot, and you’re just staring at the ceiling or whatever. You are not thinking things like

Happy baby in cot

“I hope I’m enough, I’m going to have to prove myself, Oh no I’ve drooled over myself, what are people going to think of me?”

You don’t have that capability yet because you haven’t learned language yet, so you don’t know what those things mean and therefore in your experience, everything’s just okay the way it is. You don’t have to prove that you are enough because you don’t even know what the word means to be enough, but as you grow up and you learn to speak, these concepts get programmed into your thinking. In other words, you become hypnotized with these suggestions!

Concepts like ‘you’re enough’ are where the problem starts because all problems exist in the mental dream world of your programming and not in the physical reality because without using thinking or language what does the word ‘problem’ even mean?

Laptop metaphor

To understand the dynamic of being an innocent heart / unlimited potential lets use a simple metaphor.

A person is just like a laptop.

When we are in the womb the laptop is being assembled and when we are born the laptop is ready for use in the physical world.

We get born with a basic operating system that knows very basic things. For instance our instinct knows that if we cry or scream that we get attention, food or warmth etc. But we cant speak yet, walk, prepare our own food or even evaluate if we are good enough or not because we don’t yet understand language.

The programs have not yet been put in our biological computer (laptop)

The potential to put programs in the laptop is endless and what the laptop can do will largely depend on the programs programmed into it. These programs are things like skills, behaviors, mentality’s, beliefs etc.

As a baby we are completely innocent and this natural innocence is the foundation that the programming will be built on. Just like in the laptop there is a hard disk ready to save new information and this hard disk is neutral.

Depending on the programming we receive we could easily become a kind caring human being or a total monster. And this will be decided by different things like our genetic makeup, our environment, our experiences and what we are told is ’true’ by our authority figures (parents or guardians) and so on.

What most people don’t realize is that this inner programming and conditioning can be changed at anytime if you want to change it.

Think of it like a playlist in your music library. Maybe for a time you liked the music in there but it just doesn’t resonate with you anymore, would you just keep listening to it saying “This is boring, I hate this track, etc.”

Or would you change it? Maybe replace some tracks with new ones or just make a new playlist altogether with new tracks that resonate with who you are now. Its the same with your inner programming.

There are many different tools you can use to change these, like for example self-hypnosis, mediation and self-love.

This is why this type of self-love letter to the unborn you is so empowering because you’re making important changes at a core level which means that the rest that came after it must change as well!

Tips on how to write this type of self-love letter

If you don’t think that you love yourself enough here are some tips to help you.

First of all you can ask yourself:

“Whos saying I’m not enough, I’m not loveable. I’m not worthy?”

“Is it my heart saying this?”

“Or is it my thinking (programming / conditioning / hypnosis) saying this?”

Spoiler alert! It will always be your thinking saying this because your heart would never say it. This is because your heart doesn’t judge.

Then you could ask yourself about the ‘voice’ that’s saying this:

“If I had to assign this voice to someone I know from the past, who would it be?”

More often than not it will be the voice of your parents or guardian because they programmed your biological computer when you were young and were totally open to hypnotic suggestions. They were the ‘script writers’ so to speak in your film. They created the character you are going to play.

The question is do you want to take the responsibility to rewrite the character and the script to what you want? Or just keep it the way they want.

In other words, do you want to live your parents lives and be like them, or do you want to live your own life and be independent? It really is your choice and responsibility in the here and now!

So imagine or pretend (go into hypnosis) that you have the ability to give valuable insights and lessons learned to an innocent baby that hasn’t been born yet. The baby doesn’t have to accept what you say, they are just insights and suggestions.

Write down all the things that are important for an innocent baby to know, like:

  • “You are loved unconditionally”
  • “You are enough”
  • “You are worthy”
  • “You deserve happiness”

And also any important insights that you have learned. I have made an example further down the page. Feel free to use anything out of that if you like. You could start the letter off like this:

“Dear innocent baby yet to be born, I am writing this letter to you from out of my heart  ………….”

When you’ve finished the letter and you are happy with it (it doesn’t have to be perfect, allow yourself to ‘do it wrong’) substitute the:

“Dear innocent baby yet to be born”


“Dear (your own name) yet to be born”

and read it out loud to yourself and notice how it makes you FEEL.

Even though you may think that you don’t love yourself, you may know someone who does love you or has done so in the past. This might be a parent, brother, sister, grandparent, uncle, auntie, friend, or even a pet!

Imagine or pretend (go into hypnosis) what that person would want for you. So for example, if it was a grandparent you could ask:

“If I were to ask my grandmother why she loves me unconditionally, what would she say?”

The answer might be: “Because you are unique and deserve love and kindness and you are very special to me”

You could then use this in your letter. “You are unique and deserve love and kindness and you are very special to me”

Or if you really believe that no one would love you, then imagine or pretend (go into hypnosis) what that person would want for someone else that they love unconditionally. You could ask:

“If I were to ask a person why they loved a baby unconditionally, what would they say?”

The answer might be:

“Because its so innocent and I want it to have a happy life because it deserves it”

You could then use this in your letter: “You are so innocent and I want you to have a happy life because you deserve it”

Here are two examples of a self-love letter. One written by a client of mine (printed with her permission) and one written by me. In my one I have done my best to include therapeutic insights, ideas and realizations that I often use in sessions with people so that you can also benefit from them. Feel free to use any part of them for yourself. Enjoy!

Marion’s letter

Marion, you are so beautiful and so special! Please always keep that in mind, no matter what other people may say or you believe they think about you!

Life is not easy and will be very difficult at times. But it is also very beautiful, good, exciting and filled with many special, kind and loving people – just like you are!

Always know you are worthy! Worthy of true and unconditional love. Worthy of superb health, natural beauty, real friendships. Worthy of having deep connections, great success and ultimate happiness! You deserve it all! You deserve to receive everything you truly desire! Especially since you know that your intentions are always guided by love, compassion and peace.

Your family will give you a very hard time trying to make you believe that you are not a good person or worthy enough. So always know and deeply believe that YOU ARE, because that is the truth!

There will be friends pretending to be friends, colleagues betraying your trust, managers disrespecting you and lovers breaking your heart. Every single person who will hurt and/or disappoint you, will make you think something is wrong with you. You/ll start to doubt yourself. You will think something is wrong with you, and that you are not worthy of love, but please know you are! Know that these people are meant to challenge you to make you stronger, and to let you grow.

You are beautiful, inside and outside. You are smart, ambitious, strong, funny and driven. You have so much potential to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Believe in yourself, trust life, commit to goals and follow your heart! LOVE is all life is about! So be kind and respectful at all times. You never know whom you are speaking to, and what people have been through, what they’ve experienced and shaped them the way they are. So be understanding, patient, kind, loving, compassionate, respectful and most importantly free of judgment! Also towards yourself!

Love yourself unconditionally! Accept your flaws as much as your virtues! Always strive for growth and be a good role model, but do remember not to be too harsh on yourself the days you are not entirely living up to that. Know you are human! Know you make mistakes! And also know that if you do make a mistake, that those mistakes are important for growth! You are not perfect and you don’t have to be!

Know that you are just right the way you are and trust life that all will happen the way it is supposed to happen. It is all connected! So trust and keep a positive mindset! You are so unique and such an amazing human being! Know it, believe it, and live it!

Take time for yourself to get to know yourself, to regroup and to redirect when necessary. Trust your gut – your intuition is your SELF-LOVE talking knowing what is good for you and what isn’t. So listen to yourself, but be kind and understanding if you fail to listen and learn from it. You know, you have all the answers!

You are the LOVE and all you actually need! So always be YOU as you are just right and enough the way you are! I love you, Marion!

Dave’s letter

Dear unborn Dave. I’m writing this letter to you from out of my heart to give you some important insights and understandings that will greatly improve the quality of your life and of those you will come into contact with you.

Life is a great adventure and you will experience many things, some of them great and some of them not so great.

No matter what anyone tells you, always know deep down inside that:

You are enough.

You are worthy.

You are unique.

You are loved unconditionally.

You are not better or worse than anyone else. Every person is equal. We are all like drops of water in the ocean of life. Each drop is special and unique. No drop is better or worse than another drop. So therefore no drop can ever really judge fairly another drop as being better or worse than itself.

Always love yourself unconditionally and do your best to always be honest to yourself even if you have to lie now and again to navigate in the outside world.

Do your best to make the best of everything. Failing just means learning. If you do ‘fail’ instead of judging yourself, just ask yourself:

What did I learn from that experience?”

“Now that I know this, how can I do it differently or better from now on?”

Why is it important to do it this way from now on instead?”

This way you will grow and flourish from all the experiences that you have.

Ask yourself:

“Is this helping me to get what I want?”

“Is it realistic to expect this?”

and if it isn’t ask:

“What can I change about it right now?”

Your parents wont accept you for who you are. There will be many times that you will feel totally isolated, worthless, powerless, rejected, disappointed, humiliated, alone, sad, etc. but just know you are never truly alone because your instinct and intuition will always guide you by allowing you to FEEL what is right for you.

Trust them because they are there for you and will never leave you. They are your most powerful and trusted allies. Your path is very different from what your parents want for you (in reality what they want for themselves)

Be empathetic to your parents because they have their own challenges and always stay authentic to yourself and never let anyone emotionally blackmail you to do what they want you to do. They will try and if you allow it they will manipulate you by calling you selfish because you wont do what they want you to do especially your mother.

Always be authentic. This means stay true to yourself! Love yourself unconditionally, the good parts and the less good parts. When you follow your heart you are being authentic because your heart is the true you. Your mind creates the imaginary you.

If people don’t support and understand you, let them go so that you have more room to make deeper connections with the people who do appreciate and resonate with you. When one door closes another door opens up. Live your life not other peoples lives. Your heart will tell you which way to go, listen to it, feel it, appreciate it because on the deepest level you are your heart .

Listen, feel and see your own feelings, acknowledge them and put them first before the feelings of others because they are your inner navigation system whilst also respecting the feelings of others.

Being yourself is not selfish. Being yourself is self-love.

Being authentic is very important if you want to be happy. Being authentic means not lying to yourself and if you catch yourself lying to yourself then acknowledge that because that’s also being authentic.

Be happy, enjoy, laugh, make jokes and don’t take life to seriously because its a gift that you get for free. So be playful and appreciate what you do have instead of complaining about what you don’t have.

Life doesn’t owe you anything, Learn from the past, plan for the future and live in the here and now because this is where all your real power is!

It took me a lifetime to realize these insights and learn these important lessons and I give them now to you so that you can enjoy the benefits straight away without having to go through everything I went through to learn this.

Enjoy, appreciate, laugh, make jokes, be playful, relax and continue to learn. Be aware of the fact that you are aware and realize on a continually deep level that you are always enough and that you are the awareness that makes everything in the dream of life possible. Without you there is no experience from your perspective!

You are the universal energy focused on one point inside yourself. So continue to recognize yourself in others because they are you in another form and you are them in your form.

When you stay authentic and take the responsibility for your own happiness and life you will become the king of your own reality (hypnosis) sitting on the throne of your subconscious where you belong. Claim your kingdom because this is your birthright and rule with unconditional love because you are the unconditional love.

Have an amazing life Dave!

Best wishes from your older self 🙂

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