Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings

Below is a simple method to apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings (what your intellect would call; negative feelings)

It is recommended to first read this detailed explanation so that you clearly understand the insights of this method because this understanding is actually more important than the method itself but if you want to go directly to the simpel method click here: Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings

Your heart is ‘doing’ this all the time because your heart IS unconditional love

This method is actually a verbal representation of what always happens non-verbally naturally from out your heart.

What this method is actually doing over time is neutralizing the mental resistance to what is already happening on a deeper level.

So when you understand this on an experiential level by applying this simple hypnotic tool regularly you will recognize from out of the perspective of your heart that its always been happening this way because its just what your heart is.

Your heart is unconditional love and in this context you are your heart.

This explanation is referring mostly to an emotion but you can also apply this self-love understanding and method to a sensation in the body.

In this context an emotion is a reflection in your body of what the thoughts in your thinking mean to you at that moment. Some examples of emotions are: Happiness. Fear. Empathy. Anger. Peace. Shame and so on.

In this context a sensation is a physical feeling in the body. Some examples of sensations are: Relaxation. Tension. Hot. Cold. Heavy. Light. Tingling. Pain and so on.

What is unconditional love? (Self-love)

Unconditional love (also called self-love) in this context means:

Pure recognition without judgement

Or in other words:

Pure perception without judgement

Conditional love in this context means:

Recognition plus judgement

Or in other words:

Perception plus judgement

The intellect often says:

“I want to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling now so that later on I will become happy”

“You have to meet my conditions, only then I will become happy” = Self-rejection!

The heart always says:

“I am making direct contact now with this uncomfortable feeling with self-love so we can be happy NOW“

“I am happiness itself, and this is why you don’t have to change for me, you can just be here as you already are” = Self-love!

Therefore the more you are willing to feel the uncomfortable feelings without judgement, the more happiness, inner peace and harmony you will experience in your life now and later because this is self-love instead of self rejection. It’s that simple!

How can you give a feeling unconditional love?

Well the answer simply put is:

Recognize it without judgement

This is because when your intellect judges it as being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ that is conditional love

All feelings are honest signals from the subconscious. I call them ‘advisors’ So the feeling (comfortable or uncomfortable) is like an ‘advisor’ coming to tell you something.

You are the “I am”

You are the “I am” and you sit on the throne of the subconscious in the here and now.

You could also call the “I am” in this context:

• Your individual consciousness
• Your heart
• Your soul
• Your authentic self
• Your neutral and transparent self

The subconscious created your body from a seed and an egg and this is your kingdom or queendom, your birthright and also your portal te be able to experience this reality.

So in this sense you are like a king or a queen (the “I am”) sitting on the throne of the subconscious and the feelings that come along are your trusted advisors that appear to inform you of what the thoughts in your thinking mean to you at that moment.

Your intellect judges the uncomfortable feelings as ‘a problem’ but this mindset IS the problem!

Your intellect judges the feelings as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ or as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’. This can be determined by several things.

So for example:

If the feeling feels good in the body it is more often judged as ‘good’ or ‘positive’

If the feeling feels bad in the body it is more often judged as ‘wrong’ or ‘negative’

The bouncer on the door

Your intellect acts like a ‘bouncer’ on the door and has a list of all the feelings that are allowed to be there. Typically these are feelings like; happiness, peace, pleasure, joy, harmony and so on but this is not always the case.

So when a feeling comes along like sadness, anger, shame, guilt and so on, that is not on the list of the feelings that are allowed to be there, these are rejected and they are not allowed in. This of course is self-rejection!

But these feelings have one function and this is to express themselves and if they cannot express themselves they cannot leave and so they are stuck there! We can then call this: Subconscious blockages.

How can we change this situation?

We apply self-love and say to the bouncer, “You are no longer a bouncer because now you are a host”

This means that from now on you can allow ALL the feelings to come in and you greet them all with this message:

“Welcome you are allowed to be here, what would you like to say?”

This is self-love, unconditional love for whatever feeling appears because now they are all allowed to be here.

The moment you apply this you automatically come into balance and at the same time heal the parts of you that were rejected because now all parts of you are allowed to be here!

So basically the feelings are reflections in your body of what the thoughts mean to you at that moment.

For example:

When thinking:

“I have lost something or someone who was important to me.”

The advisor of sadness may appear

When thinking:

“This is not fair what is happening now”

The advisor of anger may appear

When thinking:

“I desired something or expected something that did not happen”

The advisor of disappointment may appear

When thinking:

“This could be dangerous”

The advisor of fear may appear

Important note: The advisor will only appear if the thought means something to a part of you inside.

So for instance if its thought: “I am not goed enough” and there is a part of you that thinks, feels or believes this is true the advisor of lack will appear to make you aware of this, You can then communicate with the advisor to gain more insights about which parts of you this is effecting and where this is coming from.

If there are no parts inside that think, feel or believe that this is true then no advisors will be triggered to appear.

Therefore when an ‘advisor’ appears that feels uncomfortable in the body:

• Be aware of this and just be there with it
• Realize where you feel it in your body and focus all your attention on it
• Give it kind, loving, curious attention
• Don’t try to get rid of it, don’t try or change it and don’t try to intellectually understand it as this will create resistance and stop it from leaving
• Just feel it without judgement
• Give it unconditional love because it is part of you and it needs to deliver its message before it can leave because this is its function

Giving unconditional love to an uncomfortable feeling means:

• Recognizing it
• Respecting it 
• Accepting that it is there (not that it is good or bad)
• Without judgment
• Without censorship and
• Without limitations

This is self-love because you are unconditionally loving a painful part of yourself.

Get to know the feeling better (Meditate on it!)

If you want to get to know the feeling better, while your attention is fully focust on it you can ask these questions to perceive its characteristics. This will also make the signal strength between you and it ever stronger. You can ask:

“If this feeling had a colour, what colour would it be?”

Realize what the first answer is that comes to mind and repeat it back to it. So for example if the answer is “blue” repeat back: “blue”

Pay attention! Very important!

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer! The first answer is the right answer.

Often your intellect will say things like:

• “This is not logical”
• “I don’t know what this has got to do with it”
• “This is not true, I’m just making this up”

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer! The first answer is the right answer.

If no answer comes, that’s okay, ask the next question.

You can ask the same question with, for example:

• Colour
• Shape
• Sound

And following that, ask this question:

“Is this feeling a warm feeling, or is it a cold feeling or something in between?”

Again realize what the first answer is that comes to mind and repeat it back. So for example, if the answer is “warm” repeat back: “warm”

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer. The first answer is the right answer.

You can ask the same question with, for example:

• Hot / Cold
• Heavy / Light
• Large / Small

And after that ask this question to complete the introduction:

Is this feeling moving or is it stationary?

You have now got to know the feeling better and you can move on to other questions to receive the information from the advisor (which is really the intention) Be empathetic and curious and ask questions such as:

“Hello you are welcome here, what would you like to say to me?” (be curious and open the communication with this question)

“And what else?” / “Tell me more” (keep being curious and request more info without going into the content of what is been communicated)

“What makes you say that?” (stay curious and ask for more information without asking the “why?” question)

“What/ When/ Where/ Who/ How exactly?” (feelings don’t really speak in words. That’s why they will often speak in one word answers, phrases or broken sentence’s. To get more detailed info ask:  “What/ When/ Where/ Who/ How exactly?”)

Complete the interaction

After a certain time, you will notice that there are no more answers and the feeling will fade away by itself. When this happens, you can think of the same thought again that triggered the feeling and try to get the feeling back.

If the feeling comes back go through this same process again. If it doesn’t come back you know it has nothing more to say.

If there are no more answers but the feeling remains present you can ask:

“Would you like to say anything else to me?”

If it says “Yes” use the same questions again to receive the information.

If it says “No” say, “Thanks for the communication” and realize how it naturally fades away in its own time.

Important note: Sometimes feelings don’t talk in language at all because language is not the dialect of feelings. Feeling is the dialect of feelings. If you ask questions and get no answer keep your attention fully focused on the feeling and give it loving, kind, curious attention so that it can express itself in its own dialect, feeling.

Here are all those questions you can ask:

“If this feeling had a colour, what colour would it be?”
“If this feeling had a shape, what shape would it be?”
“If this feeling were to make a sound, what sound would it make?”

“Is this feeling a warm feeling, or is it a cold feeling or somewhere in between?”
“Is this feeling a heavy feeling, or is it a light feeling or somewhere in between?”
“Is this feeling a big feeling, or is it a small feeling or something in between?”

“Is this feeling moving or is it stationary?”

“Hello, you are welcome here what would you like to say to me?”
“And what else?” / “Tell me more”
“What makes you say that?”
“What/ Where/ When/ Who/ How exactly?”

“Would you like to say anything else to me?”

“Thanks for the communication”

Note: The basic message that every feeling wants to communicate is:

“Recognize me without judgement”

Or in other words: 

“Perceive me without judgement”

This is because the feeling has one task; express itself and then leave on its own.

When the feeling is recognized or perceived and then judged, this creates resistance which stops it from leaving. This is why it is so important to apply self-love because self-love is pure recognition without judgement.

We can also note three different levels regarding the communication of a feeling

1. The basic message of all feelings: “Recognize me without judgment”
2. The basic message of a specific feeling: For example, with anger “This is not fair what is happening now” With sadness, “I lost something that was important to me”
3. The specific message regarding the particular situation(s) For example, with anger, “I am angry because I have been unfairly accused“ With sadness, “I am sad because I lost my job“

Click here to go back below to: Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings

The mechanism of female and male energy in the body

In our bodies, there is female and male energy and they are of course completely different from each other.

Female energy is about:

• Giving love and receiving love
• Being empathetic
• Communicating
• Connecting
• Bonding

Male energy is about:

• Analyzing
• Criticizing
• Judging
• Rationalizing
• Creating structures
• Reaching goals
• Solving problems

So to understand this better let’s take an example of a man and a woman living in the same house. During the day they go out and do their own things.

Let’s say something happened to the woman and she feels sad. We can use any emotion in this example because it is about the mechanism and not the emotion itself but we will use the emotion of sadness in this example. So she comes home and she tells the man what had happened.

What do you think she wants from the man?

Does she want the man to solve her ‘problem’?

Or does she want the man to listen to her?

When she is in her feminine energy she naturally wants him to listen. Because that is feminine energy. Connecting, communicating and being empathetic.

But if he is in his masculine energy he tries to solve her ‘problem’ because that is masculine energy. Analyzing, rationalizing and solving problems.

This causes a misunderstanding between the two that makes her say things to him like:

“You don’t understand me!”

“You’re not listening to me!”

And he thinks:

“What are you talking about because Ive been listening to you for the last half hour?”

He doesn’t understand because he thinks that that uncomfortable feeling is a problem that needs to be solved because she doesn’t feel good.

But that uncomfortable feeling is not a problem. It is an honest subconscious communication that very much wants to be recognized and acknowledged, and this same situation is the natural mechanism that happens in our bodies!

In this example, we can say:

The house is the body where they ‘live’.

The emotions are the female energy in the body.

The thought processes are the male energy in the head.

So when an emotion (female energy) of say sadness (or any emotion) appears, it wants to be recognized and acknowledged by the intellect (male energy) without being judged as right or wrong. It wants to be recognized and connected with without judgement because this is female energy.

But uncomfortable feelings are judged by the intellect as being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ and therefore ‘a problem’ because they don’t feel right in the body. This judging creates resistance which then blocks the emotion because the emotion is ‘energy in motion’ and now it is not allowed to be here.

This is the difference between conditional love and unconditional love.

Conditional love says: Must. Have to. Should.

• You MUST do what I want
• You MUST comply with my conditions
• You MUST conform to my ideas
• You MUST stay the way I want
• I judge you as being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’

Conditional love is:

• Recognition or perception with judgement
• Coercion, pressure, stress and limitations
• Conditional love comes from the intellect
• The intellect lives in the mental dream world of the duality
• So the intellect is the resistance

Unconditional love says: May. Can. Could.

• You are ALLOWED do anything, you don’t have to do anything
• You are ALLOWED be just as you already are, you don’t have to change for me
• I accept you as you already are, not that you are good or bad, just that you are there
• I recognize you without judgement
• I perceive you without judgement

Unconditional love is:

• Pure recognition or perception without judgement
• Free choice, infinite options and possibilities
• Unconditional love comes from your heart
• Your heart lives in non-duality
• So your heart is the pure allowing and therefore is completely free

So in our example what she actually wants from the man is his strong, calm presence which are also masculine qualities I haven’t named yet.

She wants him to listen with empathy and stay strong and calm in his power without that weakening him and letting her down because her emotions are chaotic and they need strength and calmness so they can express themselves.

Therefore when you do this in your own home (body) you will notice great changes right away and over time because you are no longer in conflict with yourself.

Instead, you are in harmony with yourself because you understand how the natural mechanism of feminine and masculine energy works in your own body.

The symptoms of self-rejection are often:

• Low self-esteem / confidence.
• Attachment to other people.
• Pleasing behaviour.
• A feeling of “I am not enough” “I am less worthy” and so on.
• Constantly critical of self and others

Self-rejection happens in our minds NOT in our hearts.

So if you are rejecting yourself then you know it is happening in your imagination (in your thinking) One idea of yourself rejects another idea of yourself in the duality of thinking.

It is good to realize that you are actually neither of the two personality parts (the two ideas) You are the conscious silent space in which the two personality parts appear.

We could say that your heart is the focal point of energy in this silent space of the here and now.

Those personality parts are parts of you. You could say they some of them are your children because they belong to the past. They are younger versions of you so to speak.

Those parts of you come and go and are therefore temporary but you do not come and go because you are the timeless “I am”.

Example: If there is a feeling of sadness.

• Realize where that feeling of sadness is in your body
• If you don’t know where it is yet, pretend for a moment that you do know where it is and focus your attention on that place
• If it changes position follow it with your kind, loving curious attention
• As a metaphor: Pretend the feeling is an ice cube and your attention is a powerful sunbeam of warm, loving, friendly energy that melts away the ice cube piece by piece over time. And while the feeling is constantly being melted away, notice if anything comes out of that ice cube in terms of images, sounds, memories, etc. If this happens, just perceive whatever comes up without judging it because this is self-love for what is happening
• Give the feeling unconditional love, which is: pure recognition without judgement
• Focus your attention on it and be curious.
• Don’t try to get rid of the feeling
• Don’t try to change it (so you don’t offer any resistance to it at all. How can it then resist if you don’t try to change it or get rid of it? It cant, and this is what we want!)
• Don’t try to intellectually understand it (because its not necessary to intellectually understand it)
• Recognize and acknowledge it
• Perceive it without judgement
• Just feel it. Nothing more, nothing less
• The real meaning of the word ‘meditation’ is: ‘To get to know’ or ‘To be aware’ So: Get to know it. Be aware of. Meditate on it
• Connect with it
• Be curious and just pretend it’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever come across in your life because it just might be that
• You neutralize the feeling in the here and now because YOU stay completely neutral by just recognizing it without judgement. Because then you stay out of the duality of ‘it is good’ or ‘it is bad’ and ‘it is right’ or ‘it is wrong’ And therefore, ‘It is’ and nothing more!
• If you like you can also use the questions earlier explained on this page to first get to know it better by becoming aware of its; colour, shape, sound, temperature, weight, size and movement, and then to receive the communication more clearly that the adviser (the feeling) wants to pass on.

That feeling could belong to a younger part of you from the past, a younger ‘I’ so to speak. Or to an ‘I’ from the here and now.

Another version of yourself can be considered as a personality part with two simple elements.

• 1. A Mental element: Thoughts. Thinking processes. Beliefs. Perceptions. Ideas. Etc.
• 2. A Feeling element: Emotions. Sensations.
• 3. The Situation also makes a 3rd element: If this part belongs to the past, this is the situation your younger “I” is in. You could say the ‘scene’ in the film. If its over a longer period of time, this will be a ‘movie’ with several scenes and also maybe several ‘parts’ with different ideas, feelings and experiences.

Be aware! It is good to realize that all this is imaginary because the past and the future are imaginary.

That’s where the younger versions of you ‘live’ They live in your imagination. We as humans often make a distinction between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’

When it happens outside in the physical world, we say it is ‘real’.

When it happens inside our inner world, we say it is ‘imaginary’.

From the perspective of our body, there is no real distinction between the inside and the outside, between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’. This is because our body responds to the thoughts in our imagination that have meaning to us just as if it were really happening in the physical world.

Therefore, you may think of something painful that has happened in the past but is not happening anymore in the physical world and still have a strong emotional response. This is because your body responds or reacts to the thoughts in your thinking or in other words in your imagination.

We think that our emotions are a response or reaction to the situation we are experiencing but this is actually an illusion.

Our emotions are actually a response or reaction to the meaning of the thoughts in our thinking (imagination) at that time.

For example: Two people are at a concert. They watch and listen to the same band.

One person thinks “This band is great fun” and enjoys the concert with a good feeling.

The other thinks, “This band is awful” and dislikes the concert with a bad feeling.

The good or bad feeling is the result of the meaning of the thoughts in the minds (imaginations) of the two people. It’s the same band but the two people perceive it from two different perspectives and through two different filter systems (two different bodies)

So if your younger ‘I’ is sad, it probably has thoughts about a particular situation that have a meaning of sadness and so a feeling of sadness is created. So a feeling (an advisor) of sadness is automatically created.

The feeling talks to you in the language of your body. In feeling. Your body speaks in feelings (emotions and sensations) movements (gestures) and in images and sounds in your imagination.

While you are experiencing the feeling you can talk to it hypnotically. Pretend (be playful) its a person and say to it:

• “I’m here for you now”
• “You are allowed to feel sad in my body”
• “There is nothing wrong with you”
• “You can be here”
• “Everything’s okay now, I’m here with you”
• “I recognize and acknowledge you.”

You can also ask it questions to get more insights about what it wants to say and where it came from.

Self-love (your heart) recognizes the fact that a human being is a current enumeration (result) of her or his programming or in other words their conditioning. This conditioning is influenced from birth by our chromosomes, genes, DNA, environment, experiences and so on and is therefore constantly adjusted and updated.

Programming and conditioning are other words for “hypnosis.

In your biological computer (your body) you have multiple perceptions, beliefs and ideas about your reality and these create an experience for you that is special to you, because some  suggestions (information) are allowed and some suggestions (information) are rejected. This is how a trace works.

So this experience created by programming and conditioning we can then call: ‘Your hypnosis’ The hypnosis of ‘being a person’

Perhaps you have had moments in your life where you have looked back at a situation and said:

“If I knew then what I know now I would have done it differently”

This is because your hypnotic programming has changed or has been adjusted by the situation. In other words, you learned something new from it.

So your hypnotic programming is constantly being updated by your experiences and the fact that your body is also constantly changing. Self-love (your heart) recognizes this in everyone and knows that people are doing their best with the skills and current programming they have at the time.

This does not mean that self-love is okay with someone mistreating or abusing you. Not at all, because that doesn’t show love for yourself. Self-love respects the free will of others and self.

Self-love understands that we do what we can with our current programming at that time to prevent or stop unwanted situations. We cant really do anything more than that. We do our best and we are all experts with hindsight!

Self-love is all about having a heathy self-esteem and being self-assured. Its about happiness, fulfilment, empowerment, empathy, free will, and respect of self and others, without forcing except in self-defense.  

One of the most common complaints I encounter in my practice is from people who think they have a lack of self-love in one way or another. This usually comes with the belief of:

• “I’m not good enough”
• “I’m less worthy”
• “I don’t have self-love”
• “I’ve lost self-love”
• “I don’t deserve it”
• And so on.

So the more you can get in touch with the emotions in this way by applying the understanding, empathy and warm energy of self-love, the faster you will process past experiences and the faster you will heal and be balanced.

Self-love or self-rejection?

When you start applying self-love to uncomfortable emotions (or sensations) your complaints may at first seem to get worse before they get better.

This can be compared to starting at the gym. During the first week(s) you will notice little progress. You may have little energy, get tired quickly and develop sore muscles. But after a certain amount of time, you get more energy, you have more stamina, and your muscles become much stronger as you continue with the activity.

In the context of uncomfortable feelings, it is good to realize that your ‘complaints’ are actually signals. Your intellect judges them as ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ because they are uncomfortable and annoying, but I invite you from now on to regard them as signals (advisors) probably from younger versions of yourself that require your attention. Those signals could be experienced as:

Physiological responses: Rapid breathing, tension, sweating, crying, dizzy, hot flushes, and so on. Please note, with physiological responses such as pain its always recommended to consult a medical professional just to be sure that there is no medical reason that the pain is there.

Emotional responses: Fear, agitation, sadness, shame, anger, jealousy, hate, and so on.

The more you can sit still with these signals (advisors) and therefore recognize, respect and accept them without judgment, without censorship and without limitations, the faster these parts of yourself can honestly express themselves and therefore heal. This is of course easier said than done (in the beginning) because it is a skill you can develop, just like cycling for example. It then becomes automatic over time.

It is also possible that those emotions and sensations are often piled up in layers within. This means that when the top layers are released you will then have access to the layers below. You could experience this when the ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ seem to get worse, but in other words its just that the signals are getting stronger.

This is actually a good sign that you are doing a good job of healing because then you will get more access to get to the deeper levels of emotion inside to be able to them heal too.

This good sign is more often than not misunderstood because people think, “This is not working because the feeling is not going away,” and then unfortunately give up and go back to ignoring these important signals (advisors) that are asking for help so that they can be recognized and acknowledged so that they can heal.

So it is important that you use this understanding and recognize that they are signals (advisors). You can then continue to develop your new understanding and skill so that it becomes automatic.

The most important point!

You apply self-love to the feeling NOT to get rid of it!

You are apply self-love to the feeling TO MAKE CONTACT WITH IT in the here and now so it can express itself without resistance!

After expressing itself without resistance, it will leave by itself when it is ready, not because you say so!

Below is a simple method that you can use yourself to get started.

So to summarize. Simply no longer consider the uncomfortable feelings as ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ because that is just a misunderstanding. Recognize them as signals (advisors) out of the subconscious and let them be as they are.

For example, if you find yourself feeling sad, perceive the feeling but don’t try to get rid of it, change it or intellectually understand it. Just let it be as it already is and perceive it without judgement because this is Self-love = Unconditional love.

It is very important how you connect with these signals (advisors).

For example, if your energy is cold and your mentality is:

• This is a problem
• This has to go
• This has to change
• I have to understand this intellectually and so on

Then you create resistance and you reject these ‘parts’ of yourself

But if your energy is warm and your mentality is:

• This is a signal (an advisor)
• This is allowed to be here
• This is allowed to be as it already is

Then all the resistance falls away and you give these ‘parts’ of yourself self-love.
Self-love is unconditional love for ALL parts of yourself = Pure recognition without judgment.

The ‘problem’ is that we think uncomfortable feelings are problems!

We often think that the emotions or physiological responses are the problem. But it is actually this way of thinking that creates the problem because it creates resistance.

It’s like looking in the mirror while these responses and emotions are present and saying to your reflection:

“You’re a problem, you have to go, I hate you, you have to change for me!”

Instead of:

“I recognize and acknowledge you, I want to help you, I’m here for you, you are allowed to be here, you can express yourself honestly, I accept you as you are”

One mindset and energy is self-rejection.

The other mindset and energy is self-love 🙂

To make it clear what the difference is, and how you can easily distinguish and recognize them from each other:

The mentality and energy of self-love is:

• Warm, loving, kind attention – This is really helpful!
• Being curious and patient – You really want to get to know yourself on a deeper level and you make time to do this because it is important to you
• Being playful – This gives a lot of space for ‘may’, ‘can’ and ‘could’ which is relaxed energy and comes out of your heart
• Being understanding and empathetic – You understand how the natural inner mechanism works and therefore you remain neutral without judging emotions or sensations
• Being communicative – You are open to the signal and communication of your body via feelings and you communicate back with self-love

 The mentality and energy of self-rejection is:

• Cold, dismissive, mean attention – This very rarely helps!
• Being uninterested and impatient – You don’t want to spend time getting to know yourself better
• Being too serious – This limits your space and flexibility because it is contracted tense energy and it often puts a lot of pressure on yourself by using the words, you: MUST! HAVE TO! and SHOULD! which comes out of your intellect
• Being ignorant and judging – You don’t understand how the natural mechanism works, so instead of staying neutral you judge the signal as ‘wrong’ or as a ‘problem’. This way you don’t show any understanding or empathy for yourself.
• Being pushy and bossy – For you the situation needs to change now otherwise you will get pissed off and frustrated quickly

If someone were to approach you in your daily life, in which of the two ways would you rather be approached?

In other words, if you were to look at yourself in the mirror, how would you like your reflection to talk to you?

With self-rejection?

Or with self-love?

This is why it is good to realize and also understand that your ‘problems’ are signals and the more you connect with them with self-love the faster these parts of you can express themselves honestly and therefore heal so that your whole system becomes balanced.

So get started right now with this valuable insight, understanding and mentality. Use the simpel self-love method to learn this skill. Be playful, curious and experiment until it becomes automatic.

If you have any questions, let me know via the contact form at the bottom of this page. Enjoy!

—

Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings 

Pay attention because this is really important!

The goal of this method is to be okay with any feeling in the here and now.

We are not concerned with achieving an end result because we want to be fully present with the feeling in the here and now. In other words, we want to make direct contact and fully connect with the feeling. Because this is self-love.

Please Note!

The intellect lives in an imaginary past and an imaginary future and therefore during this process it would probably think:

“I am doing this now so that this uncomfortable feeling will be gone later” This is self-rejection!

The heart lives in the here and now and therefore it says:

“We are doing this NOW to recognize this uncomfortable feeling NOW and therefore feel it NOW because it needs us NOW “ This is self-love!

So we apply self-love NOT to get rid of, change or intellectually understand an uncomfortable feeling because that would be self-rejection in this context.

We do apply self-love to directly make contact and therefore connect with an uncomfortable feeling in the here and now by recognizing this feeling without judgment.

This is very important to realize. Because when you are okay with the feeling in the here and now, without judging it, this is self-love. And self-love is: Unconditional love, and unconditional love is: Pure recognition without judgment.

Realize, an (uncomfortable) emotion or sensation is not a problem.

An (uncomfortable) emotion or sensation is not a problem. It is, however, an honest subconscious signal (an advisor) that very much wants to be recognized without being judged as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

So when a feeling is judged as being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ (which is conditional love) it creates resistance. This blocks the feeling and holds it back. In this way it cannot clearly communicate its message what is really needed so that it can leave again.

When the message is clearly communicated because the feeling has been recognized without judgment (which is self-love), this feeling will naturally leave on its own. But only when it is ready to, not when it is told to by the intellect.

So the more the intellect tries to get rid of, change or intellectually understand the feeling, the longer it stays because this is self-rejection.

And the faster the feeling is recognized without judgment so that it can clearly communicate what it wants to say, the faster it will leave on its own because then there is no more resistance to stop it. Emotion = Energy in motion. It moves and flows again!

It is also good to know that the basic message of any feeling is just: “Recognize and acknowledge me.”

This means that when you give the emotion or sensation your full kind, loving, curious attention as explained on this page, you also give it unconditional love and so you give yourself unconditional love which of course is super healing. This is simply called: self-love.

–

The 3 simpel steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (an advisor) and focus all your attention completely on it. (Use the magic secret key = MSK “…..and that is okay”) Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that is okay”

and then focus all your attention on the feeling and give it kind, loving, curious attention.

3. Ask you heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

And then say or do that!

–

Here is an detailed explanation with extra information

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment This speaks for itself!

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (advisor) and focus all your attention on it. (Use the magic secret key = MSK “…..and that is okay”)

If you notice that your intellect gets too triggered by the word “Okay”, you can also say:

“…..en that is recognized”

“…..en that is perceived”

“…..and that is allowed”

For more information on the MSK click here: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

The feeling is a signal (an advisor) from the deeper intelligence in your body (your deeper self)
Recognize, respect and accept the feeling in the body and confirm that the signal (communication) has been received by your intellect by saying or thinking:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that’s okay”

Or:

“I am feeling (label the emotion or sensation) at the moment and that is recognized”

Or:

“I am feeling (label the emotion or sensation) at the moment and that is perceived”

Or:

“I am feeling (label the emotion or sensation) at the moment and that is allowed”

(The intensity of the emotion will often decrease immediately but sometimes it might get stronger for a moment)

Please pay attention because this is very IMPORTANT:

• This is NOT an approval: “Okay” (coming from out of the head)
• This IS a recognition: “Okay” (coming from out of the heart)
• The emotion is already there, so there is no point in creating resistance. Instead recognize it and therefore allow it to be without resistance.
• Feel the emotion for a few moments or maybe even a minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes or even more (do whatever feels right at that time, each situation is different)
• Focus your attention completely on the emotion.
• Really get to know it. Be aware of it.
• Meditate on it (meditation means ’to get to know’ or ‘be aware’)
• Don’t try to change the feeling
• Don’t try to get rid of it
• Don’t try to intellectually understand it
• Just feel it, nothing more.

This is self love!

If you cant label the feeling you can label it as: “The feeling in my (body part) that I cant label”

• Be curious as to how the feeling feels in your body.
• Be friendly with it.
• Be with it because it is a part of you.
• Just feel it without judgement.
• This way you’re giving yourself unconditional love.
• Give it kind, loving, curious attention.

You can even say to it:

• “Welcome, you are allowed to be here”
• “I recognize you”
• “I feel you”
• “I see you”
• “I hear you”
• “Its okay for you to be in my body”
• “Everything is okay now, I’m here with you”
• If you want, you can also use the questions explained earlier on this page to get to know the feeling better by becoming aware of its colour, shape, sound, temperature, weight, size and movement. Click here: Get to know the feeling better
• “What would you like to say to me?” “And what else?”
• “What makes you say that exactly?” (Don’t ask a ‘Why’ question!)
• “What makes you feel like that?” (Don’t ask a ‘Why’ question!)
• “What makes you feel like that exactly?” (Don’t ask a ‘Why’ question!)
• “How can I help you?”
• “What do you need?

*Please note: The dialect of a feeling is not language. Its dialect we could say is feelings (emotions and sensations). So it is sometimes the case that when you ask a question to a feeling that the feeling says nothing back. If this is so stay connected to the feeling and recognize it without judgement because it is already talking but not using language. It speaks in its own dialect, feeling.

After the feeling has expressed itself fully, let go of the mental story and avoid asking the “Why?” question. In other words: Stop thinking. Start feeling!

Stop thinking and start feeling.

let go of the “Why?” question and the mental story that goes with the feeling

• The mental story is: “I am feeling (emotion / sensation) because……….”
• The “Why” is “Why am I feeling this” or “Why is this happening to me?”

The “Why?” question is unimportant during this process. You can ask why after you have completed this process if you like. You will get a much better quality answer then anyway.

Important note: In general, only ask the “Why?” question about positive, beneficial or helpful things and not about negative, disadvantageous or unhelpful things. This is because the why question often presupposes that something is true and seeks confirmation.

Usually a good replacement for the why question is a question like:

• How?
• What?
• Where?
• Who?

Ask one of these sort of questions that is focused on what you do want, is positive, beneficial or helpful.

For example:

This is helpful: “Why is this easy for me to do?”

This is unhelpful: “Why can’t I do this?”

A better question here might be (focusing on what you do want)

• “How could I do this more easily?”
• “What would make this easier?”
• “Where could I get better at this?”
• “Who could help me with this?”

The emotion is a reflection in the body of what the mental story means to you.

The emotion is a reflection in the body of what the mental story means to you. By focusing your attention on the feeling completely you automatically let go of the mental story.

During this process the feeling is the most important, therefore give it your full attention.

If you notice its not possible to let go of the mental story because its too strong, apply self-love to the story by responding from out of your heart to every thought with:

“And that’s okay that you say that”

More info on this method? Click here:: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

When the feeling is completely gone and you feel neutral and transparent again, you can go to step 3 to ask for insights from your heart (self-love) regarding the situation with which the thoughts and feelings were associated.

3. Ask your heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

The answer that comes DIRECTLY after this question comes from that part of you (the heart of your being) that knows everything about self-love (sometimes there is a slight delay of 1 to 5 seconds, sometimes longer)

And do or say that. If nothing comes, say or do nothing.

Become aware of the wisdom and insights of your heart and then do that!

This way you make direct contact with that part of yourself (the heart of your being) that knows everything about unconditional love for yourself.

The more you do this, the stronger the connection and resonance with your heart, which means more and more self love, happiness and also authenticity because you take more and more action from your heart 🙂

The intellect might make some comments also!

Please note: It is possible that after self-love has communicated, the intellect might make some comments or give some ideas as well.

You can easily recognize this as:

• Judging
• Analyzing
• Comparing
• Trying to convince
• Putting into perspective
• Critical comments
• Rationalizing
• And so on

This is not a problem, but it is also not a communication from your heart. Be aware of this!

TIP: You can also use this powerful, magic hypnotic question without doing the other 2 steps in this process, anywhere, anytime. This is really recommended because this way you can always make direct contact with your heart! Its like having a personal direct hotline connected to your heart (self-love) 24 hours a day.

Also to make it easier for yourself you can ask questions with a yes or no answer. For example: You might have a situation were you may have to choose between two options. Then you can choose one of the options and ask:

“If I were to ask my heart now, shall I do this, yes or no, what would my heart say?”

Become aware if the answer is “Yes” or “No” and then do that. If you regularly ask your heart for insights in this way, and more importantly say or do what is suggested by your heart then this process will be become fully automatic.

One day you will realize that you don’t even ask your heart anymore for insights because the insights just come fully automatically without you asking for them. This is because of instead of living in your thinking like you used to do, you now live in your heart and take action from there.

You may then also realize: “I am my heart and now I am home”

–

Once again the 3 steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (advisor) and focus all your attention on it. (Use the magic secret key = MSK “…..and that is okay”) Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion) at the moment and that is okay”

and then focus your attention completely on the feeling and give it kind, loving, curious attention.

3. Ask your heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

And then say or do that!

Be playful, curious and experiment and develop this simple process so that it becomes automatic.

Any questions or insights? Let me know via the contact form here underneath.

Enjoy!

Best wishes

Dave

—

Here under is the first half of a recording of part two of six episodes that was made during a powerful self empowering podcast called: Winning Within with the host Orlando Avalon. Warning these podcast episodes contain some very strong language so if you are easily offended this wont be for you. For the everyone else enjoy!

All six episodes we did together you can find here:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1BfR9XNIMoKAntWhhWhODv

or on this website here: Winning Within podcast episodes

With many great others of his own here:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1mHfd10dw7rAY8mlAOpYdX?si=oypyH9WTQgqAvMwoOnnIFw

In this first half you can experience how I use the technique (and others) explained on this page to communicate with the uncomfortable feelings that came up that were triggered by the negative thoughts.

At first he just was pretending to give an example of the techniques but this was an invite for a real feeling to come up and it did!

Notice how I speak to the uncomfortable feeling and treat it with respect, not trying to get rid of it, not trying to change it and not even trying to intellectually understand it, just recognizing it without judgement.

You can speak to yourself in this way using self-love

The reason I have included this recording on this page is to give you a real world example of how you can speak to yourself using self-love. So please use this as an example and speak to yourself in this way from now on! This is how you can speak to your feelings (advisors) too.

Warning this recording and the other podcast episodes contain some very strong language so if you are easily offended this wont be for you. For everyone else enjoy!

Listen to the second part of this recording at the bottom of this page here: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

Would you like to learn some more about self-love? If so, click on these links: 

Self-love

Apply self-love to negative thoughts

Self-love – Write a hypnotic letter to your unborn self

—

Do you have a question about this subject?

Or would you like to make an appointment for a FREE CONSULTATION?

If so contact me (Dave) now by using this contact form underneath or for more information click here: Schedule a free consultation?

Please note! I always reply within 2 days.

If you don’t receive an email from me within 2 days, please check your spam folder especially if you have a Gmail or Hotmail account as these accounts very often put new email addresses in the spam folder. If you give me your phone number I will app you via WhatsApp instead of emailing you.

Thanks and have a nice day!