Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings

Below is a simple 3 step process for easy, powerful and natural communication between your feelings and your intellect that uses self-love.

It is recommended to first read this detailed explanation so that you clearly understand the insights of this method because this understanding is actually more important than the method itself but if you want to go directly to the 3 step method click here: Self-love: A simple 3 step process for easy, powerful and natural communication between your feelings and your intellect

This explanation is referring mostly to an emotion but you can also apply this self-love understanding and method to a sensation in the body.

An emotion is a reflection in your body of what the thoughts in your thinking mean to you at that moment. Some examples of emotions are: Happiness. Fear. Empathy. Anger. Peace. Shame and so on.

A sensation is a physical feeling in the body. Some examples of sensations are: Relaxation. Tension. Hot. Cold. Heavy. Light. Tingling. Pain and so on.

Give the feeling unconditional love (Self-love)

When an uncomfortable emotion (or sensation) appears:

  • Be aware of this and just be there with it.
  • Realize where you feel it in your body and focus your attention on it.
  • Don’t try to get rid of it or change it as this will create resistance.
  • Just feel it. Give it unconditional love because it is part of you.

Unconditional love means recognizing, respecting and accepting that it is there without judgment. This is self-love because you are unconditionally loving a painful part of yourself.

The opposite of self-love is self-rejection

The symptoms of self-rejection are often:

  • Low self-esteem / confidence.
  • Attachment to other people.
  • Pleasing behaviour.
  • A feeling of “I am not enough” “I am less worthy” and so on.
  • Constantly critical of self and others

Self-rejection happens in our minds, not in our hearts.

So if you are rejecting yourself then you know it is happening in your imagination (in your thinking) One idea of yourself rejects another idea of yourself. This is duality.

It is good to realize that you are actually neither of the two personality parts (the two ideas) You are the conscious silent space in which the two personality parts appear.

Your heart is the focal point and therefore the energy centre in this silent space of the here and now. Those personality parts are parts of you. You could say they are your children because they are younger versions of you.

They come and go and are therefore temporary but you do not come and go because you are timeless.

Example: If there is a feeling of sadness.

  • Realize where that feeling of sadness is in your body.
  • If you don’t know where it is yet, pretend for a moment that you do know where it is and focus your attention on that place.
  • If it changes position, follow it with your attention as if your attention were a light with a strong beam of warm loving energy.
  • Focus your attention on it and be curious.
  • Don’t try to get rid of the feeling
  • Don’t try to change it.
  • Just feel it. Nothing more, nothing less.
  • The real meaning of the word ‘meditation’ is: ‘To get to know’ or ‘To be aware’
    So: Get to know it. Be aware of. Meditate on it.
  • Be curious and just pretend it’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever come across in your life because it just might be that.

That feeling is a younger part of you, a younger “Me” or younger “I”

A younger version of yourself can be considered as a personality part with two simple elements.

  • 1. A Mental element: Thoughts. Thinking processes. Beliefs. Perceptions. Etc
  • 2. A Feeling element: Emotions. Sensations.
  • 3. The Situation also makes a 3rd element: The Situation in which your younger “Me” or “I” finds itself. You could say the “scene”. If its over a longer period of time, this will be a “movie” with several scenes and also maybe several “I’s” or “Me’s” with different ideas, feelings and experiences.

Be aware! It is good to realize that all this is imaginary because the past and the future are imaginary.

That’s where the younger versions of you “live” They live in your imagination. We as humans often make a distinction between “real” and “imaginary”

When it happens outside in the physical world, we say it is “real.”

When it happens inside our inner world, we say it is “imaginary.”

From the perspective of our body, there is no real distinction between the inside and the outside, between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’. This is because our body responds to the thoughts in our imagination that have meaning to us just as if it were really happening in the physical world.

Therefore, you may think of something painful that has happened in the past but is not happening anymore in the physical world and still have a strong emotional response. This is because your body responds or reacts to the thoughts in your thinking or in other words in your imagination.

We think that our emotions are a response or reaction to the situation we are experiencing but this is actually an illusion.

Our emotions are actually a response or reaction to the meaning of the thoughts in our thinking (imagination) at that time.

For example: Two people go to a concert. They watch and listen to the same band.

One person thinks “This band is great fun” and enjoys the concert with a good feeling.

The other thinks, “This band is awful” and dislikes the concert with a bad feeling.

The good or bad feeling is the result of the meaning of the thoughts in the minds (imaginations) of the two people. It’s the same band but the two people perceive it from two different perspectives and through two different filter systems (two different bodies)

So if your younger “Me” or “I” is sad, it probably has thoughts about a particular situation that have a meaning of sadness and so a feeling of sadness is created.

If it is grief it probably wants to be comforted. It talks to you in the language of your body. In feeling. Your body speaks in feelings (emotions and sensations) movements (gestures) and in images and sounds in your imagination.

While you are experiencing the feeling you can talk to it hypnotically and say to it:

  • “I’m here for you now”
  • “You are allowed to feel sad in my body”
  • “There is nothing wrong with you”
  • “You can be there”
  • “Everything’s okay now, I’m here with you”

Self-love (your heart) recognizes the fact that a human being is a current enumeration (result) of her or his programming or in other words their conditioning. This conditioning is influenced from birth by our genes, DNA, environment, experiences and so on and is therefore constantly adjusted and updated.

Perhaps you have had moments in your life where you have looked back at a situation and said:

“If I knew then what I know now I would have done it differently”

This is because your programming has changed or has been adjusted by the situation. In other words, you learned something new from it.

So your programming is constantly being updated by your experiences and the fact that your body is also constantly changing. Self-love (your heart) recognizes this in everyone and knows that people are doing their best with the skills and current programming they have at the time.

This does not mean that self-love is okay with someone mistreating or abusing you. Not at all, because that doesn’t show love for yourself. Self-love respects the free will of others and self.

Self-love understands that we do what we can with our current programming at that time to prevent or stop unwanted situations. We cant really do anything more than that. We do our best and we are all experts with hindsight!

Self-love is all about having a heathy self-esteem and being self-assured. Its about happiness, fulfilment, empowerment, empathy, free will, and respect of self and others, without forcing except in self-defence  

One of the most common complaints I encounter in my practice is from people who think they have a lack of self-love in one way or another. This usually comes with the belief of:

  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “I’m less worthy”
  • “I don’t have self-love”
  • “I’ve lost self-love”
  • “I don’t deserve it”
  • And so on.

So the more you can get in touch with the emotions in this way by applying the understanding and warm energy of self-love, the faster you will process past experiences and the faster you will heal.

Self-love or self-rejection?

When you start applying self-love to uncomfortable emotions (or sensations) your complaints may at first seem to get worse before they get better.

This can be compared to starting at the gym. During the first week(s) you will notice little progress. You may have little energy, get tired quickly and develop sore muscles. But after a certain amount of time, you get more energy, you have more stamina, and your muscles become much stronger as you continue with the activity.

In the context of uncomfortable feelings, it is good to realize that your ‘complaints’ are actually signals. Your intellect judges them as complaints because they are uncomfortable and annoying, but I invite you from now on to regard them as signals from the younger versions of yourself that require your attention. Those signals could be experienced as:

Physiological responses: Rapid breathing, tension, sweating, crying, dizzy, hot flushes, and so on. Please note, with physiological responses such as pain its always recommended to consult a medical professional just to be sure that there is no medical reason that the pain is there.

Emotional responses: Fear, agitation, sadness, shame, anger, jealousy, hate, and so on.

The more you can sit still with these signals and therefore recognize, respect and accept them without judgment, the faster the younger versions of yourself can honestly express themselves and therefore heal. This is of course easier said than done (in the beginning) because it is a skill you can develop, just like cycling for example. It then becomes automatic over time.

It is also possible that those emotions and sensations are often piled up in layers within. This means that when the top layers are released you will then have access to the layers below. You could experience this when the ‘complaints’ seem to get worse, or in other words, the signals get stronger.

This is actually a good sign that you are doing a good job of healing because then you will get more access to get to the deeper levels of emotion inside to be able to them heal too.

This good sign is more often than not misunderstood because people think, “This is not working because the feeling is not going away,” and then unfortunately give up and go back to ignoring these important signals that are asking the person for help so that that part of him or her can heal.

So it is important that you use this understanding and recognise that they are signals. You can then continue to develop your new understanding and skill so that it becomes automatic.

Below is a simple 3-step process that you can use yourself to get started.

So to summarize. Simply no longer consider the uncomfortable feelings as problems but as signals and let them be as they are. So, for example, if you find yourself feeling sad, observe the feeling but don’t try to get rid of it or change it. Let it be as it already is and observe it.

It is very important how you connect with these signals.

For example, if your energy is cold and your mentality is:

  • This is a problem
  • This has to go
  • This has to change and so on

Then you create resistance and you reject these “parts” of yourself

But if your energy is warm and your mentality is:

  • This is a signal
  • This is allowed to be there
  • This is allowed to be, as it already is, and so on

Then all the resistance falls away and you give these “parts” of yourself self-love.
Self-love is unconditional love for ALL parts of yourself without judgment.

We often think that the emotions or physiological responses are the problem. But it is actually this way of thinking that creates the problem because it creates resistance.

It’s like looking in the mirror while these responses and emotions are present and saying to your reflection:

“You’re a problem, you have to go, I don’t like you, stop being like this!”

Unhappy reflection

Instead of:

“I want to help you, I’m here for you, you can express yourself honestly, I accept you as you are”

Happy reflection

One mindset and energy is self-rejection.

The other mindset and energy is self-love 🙂

To make it clear what the difference is, and how you can easily distinguish and recognize them from each other:

The mentality and energy of self-love is:

  • Warm, loving, kind attention – This is really helpful!
  • Being curious and patient – You really want to get to know yourself on a deeper level and you make time to do this because it is important to you
  • Playful – This gives a lot of space for ‘may’ and ‘can’ which is relaxed energy
  • Understanding and empathetic – You understand how the natural inner mechanism works and therefore remain neutral without judging emotions or sensations
  • Communicative – You are open to the signal / communication of your body via feelings and you communicate back with self-love

 The mentality and energy of self-rejection is:

  • Cold, dismissive, mean attention – This very rarely helps!
  • Uninterested and impatient – Not wanting to spend time getting to know yourself better
  • Too serious – This limits your space and flexibility because it is contracted tense energy and it often puts a lot of pressure on yourself with the word MUST!
  • Ignorant and judging – You don’t understand how the natural mechanism works, so instead of staying neutral you judge the signal as ‘wrong’ or as a ‘problem’. This way you don’t show any understanding or empathy for yourself.
  • Pushy / Bossy – The situation needs to change now otherwise you will get pissed off and frustrated quickly

If someone were to approach you in your daily life, in which of the two ways would you rather be approached?

In other words, if you were to look at yourself in the mirror, how would you like your reflection to talk to you?

With self-rejection?

Or with self-love?

This is why it is good to realize and also understand that your “problems” are signals and the more you approach them with self-love the faster they can express themselves honestly and therefore heal.

So get started right now with this valuable insight, understanding and mentality. Use the 3 step process to learn this skill. Be playful, curious and experiment until it becomes automatic.

Enjoy!

Self-love: A simple 3 step process for easy, powerful and natural communication between your feelings and your intellect

Remember: An (uncomfortable) emotion / sensation is not a problem.

It is a signal from a younger version of yourself asking for healing.

Which means that when you give the emotion / sensation your full warm loving attention as explained in this page, you are also giving it unconditional love so that the younger version of yourself can reintegrate back into the whole through your heart and that always feels good!

The 3 steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Acknowledge and label the feeling and focus your attention completely on it. Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that is okay” and then focus your attention completely on the feeling

3. Ask self-love for insight: “In this situation what would self love say / do?” And then say or do that!

Here is an detailed explanation with extra information

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment This speaks for itself!

2. Acknowledge and label the feeling and focus your attention completely on it

The feeling is a signal from the deeper intelligence in your body (your deeper self)
Recognize, respect and accept the feeling in the body and confirm that the signal (communication) has been received by your intellect by saying or thinking:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that’s okay

(The intensity of the emotion will often decrease immediately but sometimes it might get stronger for a moment)

Pay attention because this is very IMPORTANT:

  • This is not an approval: “Okay”
  • This is recognition: “Okay”
  • The emotion is already there, so there is no point in creating resistance. Instead recognize it and therefore allow it to be without resistance.
  • Feel the emotion for a few moments or maybe even a minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes or even more (do whatever feels right at that time, each situation is different)
  • Focus your attention completely on the emotion.
  • Really get to know it. Be aware of it.
  • Meditate on it (meditation means ‘to get to know’ or ‘be aware’)
  • Don’t try to change the feeling or get rid of it.
  • Just feel it, nothing more.

This is self love!

If you cant label the feeling you can label it as: “The feeling in my (body part) that I cant label”

Let go of the mental story and stop asking “Why?” In other words: Stop thinking. Start feeling!

Stop thinking and start feeling.

Stop asking “Why?” and let go of the mental story that goes with the feeling

  • The mental story is: “I am feeling (emotion / sensation) because……….”
  • The “Why” is “Why am I feeling this” or “Why is this happening to me?”

The mental story and “Why?” is unimportant during this process. You can ask why after you have completed this process if you like. You will get a much better quality answer then anyway.

The emotion is a reflection in the body of what the mental story means to you. By focussing your attention on the feeling completely you automatically let go of the mental story.

During this process the feeling is the only thing that is important, therefore give it your full attention.

If you find its not possible to let go of the mental story because its too strong, apply self-love to the story by responding from out of your heart to every thought with:

“And that’s okay that you say that”

More info on this method? Click here:: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

  • Be curious as to how the feeling feels in your body.
  • Be friendly with it.
  • Be with it because it is a part of you.
  • Just feel it without judgement.
  • This way you’re giving yourself unconditional love.

You can even say to it:

  • “I can feel you”
  • “I can see you”
  • “I can hear you”
  • “Its okay for you to be in my body”

3. Ask self-love for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would self-love do?”

“In this situation what would self-love say?”

The answer that comes DIRECTLY after this question comes from that part of you (the heart of your being) that knows everything about self-love (sometimes there is a slight delay of 1 to 5 seconds, sometimes longer)

So do or say that. If nothing comes, say or do nothing.

Become aware of the wisdom and insights of self-love. And then do that!

This way you make direct contact with that part of yourself (the heart of your being) that knows everything about unconditional love for yourself.

The more you do this, the stronger the connection, and the stronger the connection, the better you feel, which means increasingly more self-love, happiness and confidence because you always take action from out of your heart 🙂

The intellect might make some comments also!

Please note: It is possible that after self-love has communicated, the intellect might make some comments or give some ideas as well.

You can easily recognize this as:

  • Judging
  • Comparing
  • Trying to convince
  • Putting into perspective
  • Critical comments
  • Rationalising
  • And so on

This is not a problem, but it is also not a communication from self love. Be aware of this!

TIP: You can also use this powerful, magic hypnotic question without doing the other 2 steps in this process, anywhere, anytime. This is really recommended because this way you can always make direct contact with self-love! Its like having a personal direct hotline connected to self-love 24 hours a day.

Also to make it easier for yourself you can ask questions with a yes or no answer. For example: You might have a situation were you may have to choose between two options. Then you can choose one of the options and ask:

“If I were to ask self-love now, should I do this, yes or no, what would self-love say?”

Become aware if the answer is “Yes” or “No” and then do that. If you regularly ask self-love for insight in this way, and more importantly say or do what is suggested by self-love then this process will be become fully automatic.

One day you will realise that you don’t even ask self-love anymore for insights because the insights just come fully automatically without you asking for them. This is because of instead of living in your thinking like you used to do, you now live in your heart and take action from there.

You may then also realise: “I am self-love and I am home now”

Once again the 3 steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Acknowledge and label the feeling and focus your attention completely on it. Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion) at the moment and that is okay” and then focus your attention completely on the feeling

3. Ask self-love for insight: “In this situation what would self love say / do?” And then say or do that!

Be playful, curious and experiment and develop this simple process so that it becomes automatic.

Any questions or insights? Let me know via the contact form here underneath.

Enjoy!

Best wishes

Dave

Would you like to learn some more about self-love? If so, click on these links: 

Self-love

Apply self-love to negative thoughts

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