Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings by using the ‘magic secret key’ (MSK)

Below is a simple method to apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings (what your intellect would call; negative feelings) by using the ‘magic secret key’ (MSK)

The magic secret key (MSK) is a simple innocent phrase you can use to verbalize what your heart is non-verbally constantly saying all the time.

Namely:

“…..and that is okay”

or

“…..and that is allowed”

This is because your heart allows everything and the intellect creates resistance to it.

In other words, your heart is the ‘pure recognition’ without judgment, while the intellect combines recognition with judgment.

If you find that your intellect is triggered too much by the word “Okay” (the word “Okay” is used deliberately to trigger any resistance but this can sometimes be very intense), you can also use the purest form of the MSK and express and apply it in these ways as well:

“…..and that is recognized”

“…..and that is perceived”

You can also apply the MSK to negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, old hypnotic programming and even intrusive ‘voices’ in your head. More info? Click here: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

It is recommended to first read this detailed explanation so that you clearly understand the insights of this method because this understanding is actually more important than the method itself but if you want to go directly to the simpel method click here: Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings by using the ‘magic secret key’ (MSK)

Uncomfortable feelings are not problems. They are honest subconscious signals coming up trying to tell you something

Uncomfortable feelings are not problems. They are honest subconscious signals coming up trying to tell you something. If you reject them, you’re the one who is going to miss out on the important insights.

Important note!

Do not use this powerful hypnotic tool if you intention is anything less than to connect with an uncomfortable feeling with self love, which just means: To recognize it without judging it.

The wrong way to use the MSK

Don’t use MSK if YOU are going to try to get rid, change or transform the uncomfortable feeling in any way because this hypno-tool just wont work like that.

(This is also true for any tool, method, technique, etc. that try’s to get rid of unwanted feelings. It might seem to help the symptoms in the short term but really its just self-rejection in disguise)

The right way to use the MSK

Only use it if your true intention is to CONNECT with the uncomfortable feeling.

Only to connect with it, nothing more!

This so that IT can express itself and leave on ITS OWN, when ITS ready to leave, NOT when YOU tell it too!

Your heart is ‘doing’ this all the time because your heart IS the unconditional love

This method is actually a verbal representation of what always happens non-verbally naturally from out your heart.

What this method is actually doing over time is neutralizing the mental resistance to what is already happening on a deeper level.

So when you understand this on an experiential level by applying this simple hypnotic tool regularly you will recognize from out of the perspective of your heart that its always been happening this way because its just what your heart is.

Your heart is unconditional love and in this context you are your heart.

This explanation is referring mostly to an emotion but you can also apply this self-love understanding and method to a sensation in the body.

In this context an emotion is a reflection in your body of what the thoughts in your thinking mean to you at that moment. Some examples of emotions are: Happiness. Fear. Empathy. Anger. Peace. Shame and so on.

In this context a sensation is a physical feeling in the body. Some examples of sensations are: Relaxation. Tension. Hot. Cold. Heavy. Light. Tingling. Pain and so on.

What is unconditional love? (Self-love)

Unconditional love (also called self-love) in this context means:

Pure recognition without judgement

Or in other words:

Pure perception without judgement

Conditional love in this context means:

Recognition plus judgement

Or in other words:

Perception plus judgement

The intellect often says:

“I want to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling now so that I can become happy”

And the intellect says to the uncomfortable feeling:

“You must meet my conditions or I won’t be happy”

This is Self Rejection!

The heart always says:

“I am making direct contact with this uncomfortable feeling right now with self-love because this feeling needs me right now”

And the heart always says to any feeling:

“Because I already am the happiness you don’t have to change for me, you can just be as you already are”

This is Self-love! Pure recognition without judgement

Important note!

Therefore the more you are willing to feel the uncomfortable feelings without judgement, the more happiness, inner peace and harmony you will experience in your life now and later because this is self-love instead of self rejection. It’s that simple!

How can you give a feeling unconditional love?

Well the answer simply put is:

Recognize it without judgement

This is because when your intellect judges it as being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ that is conditional love

All feelings are honest signals from the subconscious. I call them ‘advisors’ So the feeling (comfortable or uncomfortable) is like an ‘advisor’ coming to tell you something.

You are the “I am”

You are the “I am” and you sit on the throne of the subconscious in the here and now.

You could also call the “I am” in this context:

  • Your individual consciousness
  • Your heart
  • Your soul
  • Your authentic self
  • Your neutral and transparent self

The subconscious created your body from a seed and an egg and this is your kingdom or queendom, your birthright and also your portal te be able to experience this reality.

So in this sense metaphorically you are like a king or a queen (the “I am”) sitting on the throne of the subconscious and the feelings that come along are your trusted advisors that appear to inform you of what the thoughts in your thinking mean to you at that moment.

Your intellect judges the uncomfortable feelings as ‘a problem’ but this mindset IS the problem!

Your intellect judges the feelings as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ or as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’. This can be determined by several things.

So for example:

If the feeling feels good in the body it is more often judged as ‘good’ or ‘positive’

If the feeling feels bad in the body it is more often judged as ‘wrong’ or ‘negative’

The bouncer on the door

Your intellect acts like a ‘bouncer’ on the door and has a list of all the feelings that are allowed to be there. Typically these are feelings like; happiness, peace, pleasure, joy, harmony and so on but this is not always the case.

So when a feeling comes along like sadness, anger, shame, guilt and so on, that is not on the list of the feelings that are allowed to be there, these are rejected and they are not allowed in. This of course is self-rejection!

But these feelings have one function and this is to express themselves and if they cannot express themselves they cannot leave and so they are stuck there! We can then call this: Subconscious blockages.

How can we change this situation?

We apply self-love and say to the bouncer, “You are no longer a bouncer because now you are a host”

This means that from now on you can allow ALL the feelings to come in and you greet them all with this message:

“Welcome you are allowed to be here, what would you like to say?”

This is self-love, unconditional love for whatever feeling appears because now they are all allowed to be here.

The moment you apply this you automatically come into balance and at the same time heal the parts of you that were rejected because now all parts of you are allowed to be here!

So basically the feelings are reflections in your body of what the thoughts mean to you at that moment.

For example:

When thinking:

“I have lost something or someone who was important to me.”

The advisor of sadness may appear

When thinking:

“This is not fair what is happening now”

The advisor of anger may appear

When thinking:

“I desired something or expected something that did not happen”

The advisor of disappointment may appear

When thinking:

“This could be dangerous”

The advisor of fear may appear

Important note: The advisor will only appear if the thought means something to a part of you inside.

So for instance if its thought: “I am not goed enough” and there is a part of you that thinks, feels or believes this is true the advisor of lack will appear to make you aware of this. You can then communicate with the advisor to gain more insights about which parts of you this is effecting and where this is coming from.

If there are no parts inside that think, feel or believe that this is true then no advisors will be triggered to appear.

Therefore when an ‘advisor’ appears that feels uncomfortable in the body:

  • Be aware of this and just be there with it
  • Realize where you feel it in your body and focus all your attention on it
  • Give it kind, loving, curious attention
  • Don’t try to get rid of it, don’t try or change it and don’t try to intellectually understand it as this will create resistance and stop it from leaving
  • Just feel it without judgement
  • Give it unconditional love because it is a part of you. The feeling has one function and this is to express itself. Therefore, it cannot leave until its communication has been delivered and received

Giving unconditional love to an uncomfortable feeling means:

  • Recognizing it
  • Respecting it 
  • Accepting that it is there (not that it is good or bad)
  • Without judgment
  • Without censorship and
  • Without limitations

This is self-love because you are unconditionally loving a painful part of yourself. You recognize it without judgement.

Get to know the feeling better (Meditate on it!)

If you want to get to know the feeling better, while your attention is fully focused on it you can ask these questions to perceive its characteristics. This will also make the signal strength between you and it ever stronger. You can ask:

“If this feeling had a colour, what colour would it be?”

Realize what the first answer is that comes to mind and repeat it back to it. So for example if the answer is “blue” repeat back: “blue”

Pay attention! Very important!

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer! The first answer is the right answer.

Often your intellect will say things like:

  • “This is not logical”
  • “I don’t know what this has got to do with it”
  • “This is not true, I’m just making this up”

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer! The first answer is the right answer.

If no answer comes, that’s okay, ask the next question.

You can ask the same question with, for example:

  • Colour
  • Shape
  • Sound

And following that, ask this question:

“Is this feeling a warm feeling, or is it a cold feeling or something in between?”

Again realize what the first answer is that comes to mind and repeat it back. So for example, if the answer is “warm” repeat back: “warm”

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer. The first answer is the right answer.

You can ask the same question with, for example:

  • Hot / Cold
  • Heavy / Light
  • Large / Small

And after that ask this question to complete the introduction:

Is this feeling moving or is it stationary?

Again realize what the first answer is that comes to mind and repeat it back. So for example, if the answer is “moving” repeat back: “moving”

DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer. The first answer is the right answer.

Speak directly to the feeling to receive any communications from this advisor

You have now got to know the feeling better and you can move on to other questions to receive the information from the advisor which is really the intention. Be empathetic and curious and ask questions such as:

“Welcome, you’re allowed to be here, what would you like to say to me?” (with this question you are being curious and are opening up the communication)

And just like before, with all the answers that come, DO NOT let your intellect censor the answer! The first answer is the correct answer, because this is the one stored in your hypnotic programming.

“And what else?” / “Tell me more” (with this question you keep being curious and are requesting more info without going into the content of what is being passed on)

What makes you say / think / feel / do / that?” (with this question you stay curious and ask for more information without asking the “why?” question)

“What / When / Where / Who / How exactly?” (With this question you want to know exactly what its talking about. This question is important because feelings don’t really talk in words. When they talk, feelings often talk in one-word answers, phrases and broken sentences. To get more detailed info ask:  “What / When / Where / Who / How exactly?”)

Complete the interaction

After a certain time, you will notice that there are no more answers and the feeling will fade away by itself. When this happens, you can think of the same thought again that triggered the feeling and try to get the feeling back like this.

If the feeling comes back go through this same process again by asking the questions again. If it doesn’t come back you know it has nothing more to say.

If there are no more answers but the feeling remains present you can ask:

“Would you like to say anything else to me?”

If it says “Yes” use the same questions again to receive the information.

If it says “No” say, “Thanks for the communication, you can go now” and realize how it naturally fades away in its own time.

Important note: Sometimes feelings don’t talk in language at all because language is not the dialect of feelings. Feeling is the dialect of feelings. If you ask questions and get no answer keep your attention fully focused on the feeling and give it loving, kind, curious attention so that it can express itself in its own dialect, feeling.

Here are all those questions you can ask:

“If this feeling had a colour, what colour would it be?”
“If this feeling had a shape, what shape would it be?”
“If this feeling were to make a sound, what sound would it make?”

“Is this feeling a warm feeling, or is it a cold feeling or somewhere in between?”
“Is this feeling a heavy feeling, or is it a light feeling or somewhere in between?”
“Is this feeling a big feeling, or is it a small feeling or something in between?”

“Is this feeling moving or is it stationary?”

And after the introduction is completed you can ask these questions directly to the feeling to receive any information from this advisor

“Welcome, you’re allowed to be here, what would you like to say to me?”
“And what else?” / “Tell me more”
“What makes you say / think / feel / do / that?”
“What / Where / When / Who / How exactly?”

“Would you like to say anything else to me?”

“Thanks for the communication, you can go now”

Note: The basic message that every feeling wants to communicate is:

“Recognize me without judgement”

Or in other words: 

“Perceive me without judgement”

This is because the feeling has one task; express itself and then leave on its own.

When the feeling is recognized or perceived and then judged, this creates resistance which stops it from leaving. This is why it is so important to apply self-love because self-love is pure recognition without judgement.

We can also note three different levels regarding the communication of a feeling

  1. The basic message of all feelings: “Recognize me without judgment”
  2. The basic message of a specific feeling: For example, with anger “This is not fair what is happening now” With sadness, “I lost something that was important to me”
  3. The specific message regarding the particular situation(s) For example, with anger, “I am angry because I have been unfairly accused With sadness, “I am sad because I lost my job

Click here to go back below to: Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings

The mechanism of female and male energy in the body

In our bodies, there is female and male energy and they are of course completely different from each other.

Female energy is about:

  • Giving love and receiving love
  • Being empathetic
  • Communicating
  • Connecting
  • Bonding

Male energy is about:

  • Analyzing
  • Criticizing
  • Judging
  • Rationalizing
  • Creating structures
  • Reaching goals
  • Solving problems

So to understand this better let’s take an example of a man and a woman living in the same house. During the day they go out and do their own things.

Let’s say something happened to the woman and she feels sad. We can use any emotion in this example because it is about the mechanism and not the emotion itself but we will use the emotion of sadness in this example. So she comes home and she tells the man what had happened.

What do you think she wants from the man?

Does she want the man to solve her ‘problem’?

Or does she want the man to listen to her?

When she is in her feminine energy she naturally wants him to listen. Because that is feminine energy. Connecting, communicating and being empathetic.

But if he is in his masculine energy he tries to solve her ‘problem’ because that is masculine energy. Analyzing, rationalizing and solving problems.

This causes a misunderstanding between the two that makes her say things to him like:

“You don’t understand me!”

“You’re not listening to me!”

And he thinks:

“What are you talking about because Ive been listening to you for the last half hour?”

He doesn’t understand because he thinks that that uncomfortable feeling is a problem that needs to be solved because she doesn’t feel good.

But that uncomfortable feeling is not a problem. It is an honest subconscious communication that very much wants to be recognized and acknowledged, and this same situation is the natural mechanism that happens in our bodies!

In this example, we can say:

The house is the body where they ‘live’.

The emotions are the female energy in the body.

The thought processes are the male energy in the head.

So when an emotion (female energy) of say sadness (or any emotion) appears, it wants to be recognized and acknowledged by the intellect (male energy) without being judged as right or wrong. It wants to be recognized and connected with without judgement because this is female energy.

But uncomfortable feelings are judged by the intellect as being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ and therefore ‘a problem’ because they don’t feel right in the body. This judging creates resistance which then blocks the emotion because the emotion is ‘energy in motion’ and now it is not allowed to be here.

This is the difference between conditional love and unconditional love.

Conditional love says: Must. Have to. Should.

  • You MUST do what I want
  • You MUST comply with my conditions
  • You MUST conform to my ideas
  • You MUST stay the way I want
  • I judge you as being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’

Conditional love is:

  • Recognition or perception with judgement
  • Coercion, pressure, stress and limitations
  • Conditional love comes from the intellect
  • The intellect lives in the mental dream world of the duality
  • So the intellect is the resistance

Unconditional love says: May. Can. Could.

  • You are ALLOWED to do anything, you don’t have to do anything
  • You are ALLOWED to be just as you already are, you don’t have to change for me
  • I accept you as you already are, not that you are good or bad, just that you are there
  • I recognize you without judgement
  • I perceive you without judgement

Unconditional love is:

  • Pure recognition or perception without judgement
  • Free choice, infinite options and possibilities
  • Unconditional love comes from your heart
  • Your heart lives in non-duality
  • So your heart is the pure allowing and therefore is completely free

So in our example what she actually wants from the man is his strong, calm presence which are also masculine qualities I haven’t named yet.

She wants him to listen with empathy and stay strong and calm in his power without that weakening him and letting her down because her emotions are chaotic and they need strength and calmness so they can express themselves.

Therefore when you do this in your own home (body) you will notice great changes right away and over time because you are no longer in conflict with yourself.

Instead, you are in harmony with yourself because you understand how the natural mechanism of feminine and masculine energy works in your own body.

You understand that uncomfortable feelings are NOT problems. They are honest subconscious communications that want to tell you something.

Those are advisers from the subconscious and when you receive them with kind, loving, curious attention, they can express themselves without judgement and therefore without resistance. This means they are recognized and acknowledged and therefore they can leave again because their message has been delivered!

This is because there was never a problem. It was just a misunderstanding that can be easily corrected at any time.

The opposite of self-love is self-rejection

The symptoms of self-rejection are often:

  • Low self-esteem / confidence.
  • Attachment to other people.
  • Pleasing behaviour.
  • A feeling of “I am not enough” “I am less worthy” and so on.
  • Constantly critical of self and others

Self-rejection happens in our minds NOT in our hearts.

So if you are rejecting yourself then you know it is happening in your imagination (in your thinking) One idea of yourself rejects another idea of yourself in the duality of thinking.

It is good to realize that you are actually neither of the two personality parts (the two ideas) You are the conscious silent space in which the two personality parts appear.

We could say that your heart is the focal point of energy in this silent space of the here and now.

Those personality parts are parts of you. You could say they some of them are your children because they belong to the past. They are younger versions of you so to speak.

Those parts of you come and go and are therefore temporary but you do not come and go because you are the timeless “I am”.

Example: If there is a feeling of sadness.

  • Realize where that feeling of sadness is in your body
  • If you don’t know where it is yet, pretend for a moment that you do know where it is and focus your attention on that place
  • If it changes position follow it with your kind, loving curious attention
  • As a metaphor: Pretend the feeling is an ice cube and your attention is a powerful sunbeam of warm, loving, friendly energy that melts away the ice cube piece by piece over time. And while the feeling is constantly being melted away, notice if anything comes out of that ice cube in terms of images, sounds, memories, etc. If this happens, just perceive whatever comes up without judging it because this is self-love for what is happening
  • Give the feeling unconditional love, which is: pure recognition without judgement
  • Focus your attention on it and be curious.
  • Don’t try to get rid of the feeling
  • Don’t try to change it (so you don’t offer any resistance to it at all. How can it then resist if you don’t try to change it or get rid of it? It cant resist at all, and this is what we want!)
  • Don’t try to intellectually understand it (because its not necessary to intellectually understand it)
  • Recognize and acknowledge it
  • Perceive it without judgement
  • Just feel it. Nothing more, nothing less
  • The real meaning of the word ‘meditation’ is: ‘To get to know’ or ‘To be aware’ So: Get to know it. Be aware of. Meditate on it
  • Connect with it
  • Be curious and just pretend it’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever come across in your life because it just might be that
  • You neutralize the feeling in the here and now because YOU stay completely neutral by just recognizing it without judgement. Because then you stay out of the duality of ‘it is good’ or ‘it is bad’ and ‘it is right’ or ‘it is wrong’ And therefore, ‘It is’ and nothing more!
  • If you like you can also use the questions earlier explained on this page to first get to know it better by becoming aware of its; colour, shape, sound, temperature, weight, size and movement. You can then receive the communication more clearly that the adviser (the feeling) wants to communicate.

That feeling could belong to a younger part of you from the past, a younger ‘I’ so to speak. Or to an ‘I’ from the here and now.

Another version of yourself can be considered as a personality part with two simple elements.

  • 1. A Mental element: Thoughts. Thinking processes. Beliefs. Perceptions. Ideas. Etc.
  • 2. A Feeling element: Emotions. Sensations.
  • 3. The Situation also makes a 3rd element: If this part belongs to the past, this is the situation your younger “I” is in. You could say the ‘scene’ in the film. If its over a longer period of time, this will be a ‘movie’ with several scenes and also maybe several ‘parts’ with different ideas, feelings and experiences.

Be aware! It is good to realize that all this is imaginary because the past and the future are imaginary.

That’s where the younger versions of you ‘live’ They live in your imagination. We as humans often make a distinction between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’

When it happens outside in the physical world, we say it is ‘real’.

When it happens inside our inner world, we say it is ‘imaginary’.

From the perspective of our body, there is no real distinction between the inside and the outside, between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’. This is because our body responds to the thoughts in our imagination that have meaning to us just as if it were really happening in the physical world.

Therefore, you may think of something painful that has happened in the past but is not happening anymore in the physical world and still have a strong emotional response. This is because your body responds or reacts to the thoughts in your thinking or in other words in your imagination.

We think that our emotions are a response or reaction to the situation we are experiencing but this is actually an illusion.

Our emotions are actually a response or reaction to the meaning of the thoughts in our thinking (imagination) at that time.

For example: Two people are at a concert. They watch and listen to the same band.

One person thinks “This band is great fun” and enjoys the concert with a good feeling.

The other thinks, “This band is awful” and dislikes the concert with a bad feeling.

The good or bad feeling is the result of the meaning of the thoughts in the minds (imaginations) of the two people. It’s the same band but the two people perceive it from two different perspectives and through two different filter systems (two different bodies)

So if your younger ‘I’ is sad, it probably has thoughts about a particular situation that have a meaning of sadness and so a feeling of sadness is created. So a feeling (an advisor) of sadness is automatically created.

The feeling talks to you in the language of your body. In feeling. Your body speaks in feelings (emotions and sensations) movements (gestures) and in images and sounds in your imagination.

While you are experiencing the feeling you can talk to it hypnotically. Pretend (be playful) its a person and say to it:

  • “I’m here for you now”
  • “You are allowed to feel sad in my body”
  • “There is nothing wrong with you”
  • “You can be here”
  • “Everything’s okay now, I’m here with you”
  • “I recognize and acknowledge you.”

You can also ask it questions to get more insights about what it wants to say and where it came from.

Pretend it can talk and ask yourself the question:

“If this feeling could talk right now what would it say to me?” and realize what the first answer is that comes to mind because that is the subconscious answer. Don’t let your intellect censor it! The first answer is always the right answer.

When you have good contact with it, you could ask it questions like:

  • What is important for you to tell me now?”
  • “What’s making you feel like this” “And what else?”
  • “What / Where / When / Who / How exactly?” (discover details)
  • Where are you coming from?
  • How can I help you?”
  • “What do you need?”

Self-love (your heart) recognizes the fact that a human being is a current enumeration (result) of her or his programming or in other words their conditioning. This conditioning is influenced from birth by our chromosomes, genes, DNA, environment, experiences and so on and is therefore constantly adjusted and updated.

Programming and conditioning are other words for “hypnosis.

In your biological computer (your body) you have multiple perceptions, beliefs and ideas about your reality and these create an experience for you that is special to you, because some  suggestions (information) are allowed and some suggestions (information) are rejected. This is how a trace works.

So this experience created by programming and conditioning we can then call: ‘Your hypnosis’ The hypnosis of ‘being a person’

Perhaps you have had moments in your life where you have looked back at a situation and said:

“If I knew then what I know now I would have done it differently”

This is because your hypnotic programming has changed or has been adjusted by the situation. In other words, you learned something new from it.

So your hypnotic programming is constantly being updated by your experiences and the fact that your body is also constantly changing. Self-love (your heart) recognizes this in everyone and knows that people are doing their best with the skills and current programming they have at the time.

This does not mean that self-love is okay with someone mistreating or abusing you. Not at all, because that doesn’t show love for yourself. Self-love respects the free will of others and self.

Self-love understands that we do what we can with our current programming at that time to prevent or stop unwanted situations. We cant really do anything more than that. We do our best and we are all experts with hindsight!

Self-love is all about having a heathy self-esteem and being self-assured. Its about happiness, fulfilment, empowerment, empathy, free will, and respect of self and others, without forcing except in self-defense.  

One of the most common complaints I encounter in my practice is from people who think they have a lack of self-love in one way or another. This usually comes with the belief of:

  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “I’m less worthy”
  • “I don’t have self-love”
  • “I’ve lost self-love”
  • “I don’t deserve it”
  • And so on.

So the more you can get in touch with the emotions in this way by applying the understanding, empathy and warm energy of self-love, the faster you will process past experiences and the faster you will heal and be balanced.

Self-love or self-rejection?

When you start applying self-love to uncomfortable emotions (or sensations) your complaints may at first seem to get worse before they get better.

This can be compared to starting at the gym. During the first week(s) you will notice little progress. You may have little energy, get tired quickly and develop sore muscles. But after a certain amount of time, you get more energy, you have more stamina, and your muscles become much stronger as you continue with the activity.

In the context of uncomfortable feelings, it is good to realize that your ‘complaints’ are actually signals. Your intellect judges them as ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ because they are uncomfortable and annoying, but I invite you from now on to regard them as signals (advisors) probably from younger versions of yourself that require your attention. Those signals could be experienced as:

Physiological responses: Rapid breathing, tension, sweating, crying, dizzy, hot flushes, and so on. Please note, with physiological responses such as pain its always recommended to consult a medical professional just to be sure that there is no medical reason that the pain is there.

Emotional responses: Fear, agitation, sadness, shame, anger, jealousy, hate, and so on.

The more you can sit still with these signals (advisors) and therefore recognize, respect and accept them without judgment, without censorship and without limitations, the faster these parts of yourself can honestly express themselves and therefore heal. This is of course easier said than done (in the beginning) because it is a skill you can develop, just like cycling for example. It then becomes automatic over time.

It is also possible that those emotions and sensations are often piled up in layers within. This means that when the top layers are released you will then have access to the layers below. You could experience this when the ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ seem to get worse, but in other words its just that the signals are getting stronger.

This is actually a good sign that you are doing a good job of healing because then you will get more access to get to the deeper levels of emotion inside to be able to them heal too.

This good sign is more often than not misunderstood because people think, “This is not working because the feeling is not going away,” and then unfortunately give up and go back to ignoring these important signals (advisors) that are asking for help so that they can be recognized and acknowledged so that they can heal.

So it is important that you use this understanding and recognize that they are signals (advisors). You can then continue to develop your new understanding and skill so that it becomes automatic.

The most important point!

You apply self-love to the feeling NOT to get rid of it, NOT to change it and NOT to intellectually understand it!

You apply self-love to the feeling TO MAKE CONTACT WITH IT in the here and now so it can express itself without resistance!

After expressing itself without resistance, it will leave by itself when it is ready, not because you say so!

Below is a simple method that you can use yourself to get started.

So to summarize. Simply no longer consider the uncomfortable feelings as ‘complaints’ or ‘problems’ because that is just a misunderstanding. Recognize them as signals (advisors) out of the subconscious and let them be as they are.

For example, if you find yourself feeling sad, perceive the feeling but don’t try to get rid of it, change it or intellectually understand it. Just let it be as it already is and perceive it without judgement because this is Self-love = Unconditional love.

It is very important how you connect with these signals (advisors).

For example, if your energy is cold and your mentality is:

  • This is a problem
  • This has to go
  • This has to change
  • I have to understand this intellectually and so on

Then you create resistance and you reject these ‘parts’ of yourself

But if your energy is warm and your mentality is:

  • This is a signal (an advisor)
  • This is allowed to be here
  • This is allowed to be as it already is

Then all the resistance falls away and you give these ‘parts’ of yourself self-love.
Self-love is unconditional love for ALL parts of yourself = Pure recognition without judgment.

The ‘problem’ is that we think uncomfortable feelings are problems!

We often think that the emotions or physiological responses are the problem. But it is actually this way of thinking that creates the problem because it creates resistance.

It’s like looking in the mirror while these responses and emotions are present and saying to your reflection:

“You’re a problem, you have to go, I hate you, you have to change for me!”

Unhappy reflection

Instead of:

“I recognize and acknowledge you, I want to help you, I’m here for you, you are allowed to be here, you can express yourself honestly, I accept you as you are”

Happy reflection

One mindset and energy is self-rejection.

The other mindset and energy is self-love 🙂

To make it clear what the difference is, and how you can easily distinguish and recognize them from each other:

The mentality and energy of self-love is:

  • Warm, loving, kind attention – This is really helpful!
  • Being curious and patient – You really want to get to know yourself on a deeper level and you make time to do this because it is important to you
  • Being playful – This gives a lot of space for ‘may’, ‘can’ and ‘could’ which is relaxed energy and comes out of your heart
  • Being understanding and empathetic – You understand how the natural inner mechanism works and therefore you remain neutral without judging emotions or sensations
  • Being communicative – You are open to the signal and communication of your body via feelings and you communicate back with self-love

 The mentality and energy of self-rejection is:

  • Cold, dismissive, mean attention – This very rarely helps!
  • Being uninterested and impatient – You don’t want to spend time getting to know yourself better
  • Being too serious – This limits your space and flexibility because it is contracted tense energy and it often puts a lot of pressure on yourself by using the words, you: MUST! HAVE TO! and SHOULD! which comes out of your intellect
  • Being ignorant and judging – You don’t understand how the natural mechanism works, so instead of staying neutral you judge the signal as ‘wrong’ or as a ‘problem’. This way you don’t show any understanding or empathy for yourself.
  • Being pushy and bossy – For you the situation needs to change now otherwise you will get pissed off and frustrated quickly

If someone were to approach you in your daily life, in which of the two ways would you rather be approached?

In other words, if you were to look at yourself in the mirror, how would you like your reflection to talk to you?

With self-rejection?

Or with self-love?

This is why it is good to realize and also understand that your ‘problems’ are signals and the more you connect with them with self-love the faster these parts of you can express themselves honestly and therefore heal so that your whole system becomes balanced.

What is healing actually?

For the intellect (conditional love) “I am healed” usually means:

“I think only positive thoughts”

“Everything is going the way I want it to”

“The triggers are gone and I feel good”

“I am motivated and clear”

Therefore for the intellect:

“Things have to change according to my wishes so that I can be happy” (conditional love)

“And if I feel bad, I reject those parts of me because they are not allowed to be here. When the annoying, hurt or painful parts of me have gone away and I am changed, I am happy again and therefore I am healed!”

“My love is therefore conditional and if you do not meet my conditions, you must change or I will reject you.”

For the intellect healing is a process because only one side of duality is allowed to be here, which is positive instead of negative. A good feeling instead of a bad feeling. Everything is desirable instead of everything is not desirable.

The intellect judges if it is healed, by what thoughts are thought, what feelings are felt and what events are experienced.

For the heart (unconditional love) healing means:

“Positive and negative thoughts are allowed to be here”

“All events are allowed to be here”

“Triggers are allowed to be here and I am allowed to feel however I feel” (triggers are invitations from parts of yourself that have not yet been recognized or have not yet been fully recognized)

“Lack of motivation and vagueness is also allowed to be here”

“Nothing needs to change for me because I am the happiness, inner peace and unconditional love. Things are allowed to change but they don’t have to”

“Therefore if I feel ‘good’, great I enjoy it”

“And if I feel less good, also great because I now have an opportunity to heal these parts of me with self-love. This is because I am here now for the hurt parts of me that obviously need me.”

“This is a win win situation because I am ’the heart’ and therefore also the healing”

“Either, I enjoy the comfortable feelings.

Or, I am here for the uncomfortable feelings that used to be rejected by the intellect (the bouncer at the door) because those parts of me obviously need me because they all want to be recognized without judgment” 

“I am the pure recognition (without judgment) because I am the unconditional love and those are also parts of me. That is why I will never abandon them!”

For the heart, healing therefore happens immediately because the heart is neutral and therefore everything is allowed to be here as it already is. Therefore the moment those parts are no longer rejected they are already healed.

From the perspective of the intellect, things have to change because one side of duality has rejected certain parts of the other side, and has judged them as being ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’ Therefore, you are not whole because you are ‘missing’ certain parts of yourself.

From the heart’s perspective, you are already whole because both sides of the intellect happen in the heart, and the heart recognizes everything without judgment.

Your heart was here first before the intellect came. For approximately the first year of your life, you could not speak. You were just pure perception, pure recognition, pure consciousness, without the intellect and therefore without any judgment. The intellect appeared after about a year, learned how to speak and it functions now in you: The heart / consciousness.

Therefore the moment these parts are recognized by the heart (you) they are already healed, because the heart always says, ALL parts are allowed to be here.”

So get started right now with this valuable insight, understanding and mentality. Use the simpel self-love method to learn this skill. Be playful, curious and experiment until it becomes automatic.

If you have any questions, let me know via the contact form at the bottom of this page. Enjoy!

Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings by using the ‘magic secret key’ (MSK) 

Please pay attention because this is really important!

The goal of this method is to be okay with any feeling in the here and now.

We are not concerned with achieving an end result because we want to be fully present with the feeling in the here and now. In other words, we want to make direct contact and fully connect with the feeling. Because this is self-love.

Please Note!

The intellect lives in an imaginary past and an imaginary future and therefore during this process it would probably think:

“I am doing this now so that this uncomfortable feeling will be gone later” This is self-rejection!

The heart lives in the here and now and therefore it says:

“We are doing this NOW to recognize this uncomfortable feeling NOW and therefore feel it NOW because it needs us NOW “ This is self-love!

So we apply self-love NOT to get rid of, change or intellectually understand an uncomfortable feeling because that would be self-rejection in this context.

We do apply self-love to directly make contact and therefore connect with an uncomfortable feeling in the here and now by recognizing this feeling without judgment.

This is very important to realize. Because when you are okay with the feeling in the here and now, without judging it, this is self-love. And self-love is: Unconditional love, and unconditional love is: Pure recognition without judgment.

Realize, an (uncomfortable) emotion or sensation is not a problem.

An (uncomfortable) emotion or sensation is not a problem. It is, however, an honest subconscious signal (an advisor) that very much wants to be recognized without being judged as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

So when a feeling is judged as being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ (which is conditional love) it creates resistance. This blocks the feeling and holds it back. In this way it cannot clearly communicate its message what is really needed so that it can leave again.

When the message is clearly communicated because the feeling has been recognized without judgment (which is self-love), this feeling will naturally leave on its own. But only when it is ready to, not when it is told to by the intellect.

So the more the intellect tries to get rid of, change or intellectually understand the feeling, the longer it stays because this is self-rejection.

And the faster the feeling is recognized without judgment so that it can clearly communicate what it wants to say, the faster it will leave on its own because then there is no more resistance to stop it. Emotion = Energy in motion. It moves and flows again!

It is also good to know that the basic message of any feeling is just: “Recognize and acknowledge me.”

This means that when you give the emotion or sensation your full kind, loving, curious attention as explained on this page, you also give it unconditional love and so you give yourself unconditional love which of course is super healing. This is simply called: self-love.

The 3 simpel steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (an advisor) and focus all your attention completely on it. Use the ‘magic secret key’ = MSK “…..and that is okay” Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that is okay”

(if possible, put your hand(s) on the place where you experience the feeling in your body and keep your hand there while talking to it)

And then focus all your attention on the feeling and give it kind, loving, curious attention, which means you are NOT trying to get rid of it, NOT trying to change it and NOT trying to understand it intellectually! Because this would be self-rejection!

Just recognize / perceive it without judgement because this is self-love.

When the feeling is completely gone and you feel neutral and transparent again, you can go to step 3 to ask for insights from your heart (self-love) regarding the situation with which the thoughts and feelings were associated.

3. Ask you heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

And then say or do that!

Here is an detailed explanation with extra information

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment This speaks for itself!

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (advisor) and focus all your attention on it. Use the ‘magic secret key’ = MSK “…..and that is okay”

The magic secret key (MSK) is a simple innocent phrase you can use to verbalize what your heart is non-verbally constantly saying all the time.

Namely:

“…..and that is okay”

or

“…..and that is allowed”

This is because your heart is the ‘pure allowing’ and the intellect is the resistance to it.

In other words, your heart is the ‘pure recognition’ without judgment and the intellect is the recognition plus judgment.

If you find that your intellect is triggered too much by the word “Okay” (the word “Okay” is used deliberately to trigger any resistance but this can sometimes be very intense), you can also use the purest form of the MSK and express and apply it in these ways as well:

“…..and that is recognized”

“…..and that is perceived”

For more information on the MSK click here: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

The feeling is a signal (an advisor) from the deeper intelligence in your body (your deeper self)
Recognize, respect and accept the feeling in the body and confirm that the signal (communication) has been received by your intellect by saying or thinking:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that is okay

Or:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion / sensation) at the moment and that is allowed

Or:

“I am feeling (label the emotion or sensation) at the moment and that is recognized

Or:

“I am feeling (label the emotion or sensation) at the moment and that is perceived

(The intensity of the emotion will often decrease immediately but sometimes it might get stronger for a moment)

Please pay attention because this is very IMPORTANT:

  • This is NOT an approval: “Okay” (coming from out of the head)
  • This IS a recognition: “Okay” (coming from out of the heart)
  • The emotion is already there, so there is no point in creating resistance. Instead recognize it and therefore allow it to be without resistance.

(if possible, put your hand(s) on the place where you experience the feeling in your body and keep your hand there while talking to it)

  • Feel the emotion for a few moments or maybe even a minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes or even more (do whatever feels right at that time, each situation is different)
  • Focus your attention completely on the emotion.
  • Really get to know it. Be aware of it.
  • Meditate on it (meditation means ’to get to know’ or ‘be aware’)
  • Don’t try to change the feeling
  • Don’t try to get rid of it
  • Don’t try to intellectually understand it
  • Just feel it, nothing more.

This is self love!

If you cant label the feeling you can label it as: “The feeling in my (body part) that I cant label”

  • Be curious as to how the feeling feels in your body.
  • Be friendly with it.
  • Be with it because it is a part of you.
  • Just feel it without judgement.
  • This way you’re giving yourself unconditional love.
  • Give it kind, loving, curious attention.

You can even say to it:

  • “Welcome, you are allowed to be here”
  • “I recognize you”
  • “I feel you”
  • “I see you”
  • “I hear you”
  • “Its okay for you to be in my body”
  • “Everything is okay now, I’m here with you”

* If you want, you can also use the questions explained earlier on this page to get to know the feeling better by becoming aware of its colour, shape, sound, temperature, weight, size and movement. Click here: Get to know the feeling better

  • “What would you like to say to me?”
  • “And what else?”
  • What makes you say / think / feel / do that?” (Don’t ask a ‘Why’ question!)
  • “What / When / Where / Who / How exactly?” (Don’t ask a ‘Why’ question!)
  • “How can I help you?”
  • “What do you need?

Formulate an empathetic response using the magic secret key (MSK) and emphasize the fact that you are here now for that part of you. Reassure it (RI) that it is safe now

For example with::

Disappointment: (MSK) It’s okay if you feel disappointed. (RI) I’m here for you now

Anger: (MSK) You are allowed to feel angry. (RI) I am here for you now

Sadness: (MSK) It’s okay if you feel sad. (RI) I am here for you now

Formulate an empathetic response using the magic secret key (MSK) and conversational hypnosis (CH) and emphasize the fact that you are here now for that part of you. Reassure it (RI) that it is safe now

For example:

A part of you comes up to the surface and says: “I am afraid

First use the questions to find out what the advisor wants to communicate and find out what that part of you is afraid of.

Then apply the magic secret key (MSK) and conversational hypnosis (CH) to formulate an empathetic response with self-love.

Emphasize the fact that you are here now for that part of you. Reassure it (RI) and offer the opposite experience to it by using the words “at the same time”. This instead of trying to convince or force that part to agree by using the word “but”.

Examples

You can say:

(MSK) It’s okay if you feel scared and at the same time (CH) you can begin to realize that (RI) I am here for you now and you are safe with me.”

A part of you comes up and says: “I feel rejected

You can say:

(MSK) It’s okay if you feel rejected and at the same time (CH) you can begin to realize that (RI) I am not rejecting you. You can connect with me now because I am here for you now

A part of you comes up and says, “I feel abandoned

You can say:

(MSK) It is okay if you feel abandoned and at the same time (CH) you can begin to realize that (RI) I am not leaving you. I am staying with you now because I am here for you now“.

* Please note: The dialect of a feeling is not language. Its dialect we could say is feelings (emotions and sensations). So it is sometimes the case that when you ask a question to a feeling that the feeling says nothing back. If this is so stay connected to the feeling and recognize it without judgement because it is already talking but not using language. It speaks in its own dialect, feeling.

After the feeling has expressed itself fully, let go of the mental story and avoid asking the “Why?” question. In other words: Stop thinking. Start feeling!

Stop thinking and start feeling.

let go of the “Why?” question and the mental story that goes with the feeling

  • The mental story is: “I am feeling (emotion / sensation) because……….”
  • The “Why” is “Why am I feeling this” or “Why is this happening to me?”

The “Why?” question is unimportant during this process. You can ask why after you have completed this process if you like. You will get a much better quality answer then anyway.

Important note to do with the “Why?” question:

In general, only ask the “Why?” question about positive, beneficial or helpful things and not about negative, disadvantageous or unhelpful things. This is because the why question often presupposes that something is true and seeks confirmation.

Usually a good replacement for the why question is a question like:

  • How?
  • What?
  • Where?
  • Who?

Ask one of these sort of questions that is focused on what you do want, is positive, beneficial or helpful.

For example:

This is helpful: “Why is this easy for me to do?”

This is unhelpful: “Why can’t I do this?”A better question here might be (focusing on what you do want)

  • “How could I do this more easily?”
  • “What would make this easier?”
  • “Where could I get better at this?”
  • “Who could help me with this?”

The emotion is a reflection in the body of what the mental story means to you.

The emotion is a reflection in the body of what the mental story means to you. By focusing your attention on the feeling completely you automatically let go of the mental story.

During this process the feeling is the most important, therefore give it your full attention.

If you notice its not possible to let go of the mental story because its too strong, apply self-love to the story by responding from out of your heart to every thought with:

“And that’s okay that you say that”

More info on this method? Click here:: Apply self-love to negative thoughts

BE AWARE OF THE INTELLECT TRAP!

A very important note!

A typical trap that everyone first falls into when first using the MSK happens like this.

When focusing on a feeling often the intellect will say things like:

  • “Why hasn’t it gone yet?”
  • “Ive been doing this long enough”
  • “This isn’t working, its not going away”

Be aware of this! Because this is self-rejection!

This is because the intellect is rejecting the feeling because it thinks its a problem that needs to be ‘fixed’ You are not your intellect! Your intellect is like a software program.

For approximately the first year of your life, you could not speak. You were just pure perception, pure recognition, pure consciousness, without the intellect and therefore without any judgment. The intellect appeared after about a year, learned how to speak and it functions now in you: The heart / consciousness.

Therefore if YOU identify with these type of thoughts or the intellect, YOU will be the one who is trying to get rid of the oncomfortabel feeling because YOU think its a problem.

This way the intellect will hypnotize you to be the one who is trying to get rid, transform or change the feeling, which in this context is of course self-rejection. When really IT is the one trying to get rid, transform or change the feeling because IT thinks its a problem.

You are not the intellect (conditional love), therefore stop identifying with it!

You are the heart (unconditional love). Therefore, continue to recognize and affirm this by continuing to use the MSK and say to every thought that the intellect thinks:

“It’s okay for you to think that” or “You’re allowed to think that.”

The intellect IS the conditional love

Your heart IS the unconditional love

Because it lives in the duality (two) the intellect cant love itself unconditionally. It can only love itself conditionally. When it agrees with itself it has unity. When it disagrees with itself it has conflict and resistance.

Therefore we can say:

The intellect is the conditional love

The heart is the unconditional love

The difference is,

The intellect would say:

“I’m ‘helping’ these feelings to express so that I can transform them

The intellect thinks they are a problem and is therefore ‘helping’ them to leave because IT wants to get rid of them. IT will then go into a proces of healing and transformation.

IT will be then constantly monitoring and judging if the feeling is gone yet because IT is focused on an end result. During this proces IT will therefore say things about the uncomfortable feeling like:

  • “Its not gone yet”
  • “Its taking to much time”
  • “Its not supposed to feel this way”

This is self-rejection and if YOU identify with the intellect and its thoughts because of this approach it will often feel like YOU are fighting with yourself, which is actually true because YOU are in the duality of the mind.

One side being the punisher and the other being the punished and ‘you’ will switch between these two sides being the punisher: “Why hasn’t it gone yet” and the punished: “Why are you trying to get rid of me while I’m hurting inside?”

The heart would say:

“I’m helping these feelings to express by connecting with them, so that THEY can leave on their own when THEY are ready to go, not when I say

The heart doesn’t consider them to be a problem because it recognizes them as honest subconscious signals, coming up to communicate and therefore connects with them with unconditional love.

When the feeling is completely gone and you feel neutral and transparent again, you can go to step 3 to ask for insights from your heart (self-love) regarding the situation with which the thoughts and feelings were associated.

3. Ask your heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

The answer that comes DIRECTLY after this question comes from that part of you (the heart of your being) that knows everything about self-love (sometimes there is a slight delay of 1 to 5 seconds, sometimes longer)

And do or say that. If nothing comes, say or do nothing.

Become aware of the wisdom and insights of your heart and then do that!

This way you make direct contact with that part of yourself (the heart of your being) that knows everything about unconditional love for yourself.

The more you do this, the stronger the connection and resonance with your heart, which means more and more self love, happiness and also authenticity because you take more and more action from your heart 🙂

The intellect might make some comments also!

Please note: It is possible that after self-love has communicated, the intellect might make some comments or give some ideas as well.

You can easily recognize this as:

  • Judging
  • Analyzing
  • Comparing
  • Trying to convince
  • Putting into perspective
  • Critical comments
  • Rationalizing
  • And so on

This is not a problem, but it is also not a communication from your heart. Be aware of this!

TIP: You can also use this powerful, magic hypnotic question without doing the other 2 steps in this process, anywhere, anytime. This is really recommended because this way you can always make direct contact with your heart! Its like having a personal direct hotline connected to your heart (self-love) 24 hours a day.

Also to make it easier for yourself you can ask questions with a yes or no answer. For example: You might have a situation were you may have to choose between two options. Then you can choose one of the options and ask:

“If I were to ask my heart now, shall I do this, yes or no, what would my heart say?”

Become aware if the answer is “Yes” or “No” and then do that. If you regularly ask your heart for insights in this way, and more importantly say or do what is suggested by your heart then this process will be become fully automatic.

One day you will realize that you don’t even ask your heart anymore for insights because the insights just come fully automatically without you asking for them. This is because of instead of living in your thinking like you used to do, you now live in your heart and take action from there.

You may then also realize: “I am my heart and now I am home”

Once again the 3 steps are:

1. Become aware of how you feel in that moment

2. Recognize, acknowledge and label the feeling (advisor) and focus all your attention on it. Use the ‘magic secret key’ = MSK “…..and that is okay” Say or think:

“I’m feeling some (label the emotion) at the moment and that is okay”

(if possible, put your hand(s) on the place where you experience the feeling in your body and keep your hand there while talking to it)

And then focus your attention completely on the feeling and give it kind, loving, curious attention, which means you are NOT trying to get rid of it, NOT trying to change it and NOT trying to understand it intellectually! Because this would be self-rejection!

Just recognize / perceive it without judgement because this is self-love.

When the feeling is completely gone and you feel neutral and transparent again, you can go to step 3 to ask for insights from your heart (self-love) regarding the situation with which the thoughts and feelings were associated.

3. Ask your heart (self-love) for insight. Ask the question:

“In this situation what would my heart say?”

“In this situation what would my heart do?”

And then say or do that!

Be playful, curious and experiment and develop this simple process so that it becomes automatic.

Any questions or insights? Let me know via the contact form here underneath.

Enjoy!

Best wishes

Dave

Would you like to learn some more about self-love? If so, click on these links: 

Self-love

Apply self-love to negative thoughts

Self-love – The heart switch

Self-love – Write a hypnotic letter to your unborn self

Do you have a question about this subject?

Or would you like to make an appointment for a FREE CONSULTATION?

If so contact me (Dave) now by using this contact form underneath or for more information click hereSchedule a free consultation?

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