Apply self-love to negative thoughts (and old programming/ conditioning)

One of the most powerful sentences you can attach to any thought, feeling or experience is:

“……… and that’s okay”

I call this phrase “The secret magic key” = SMK

Secret because few people seem to know what it can do.

Magic because when properly applied it can neutralize all negative thoughts and old programming/conditioning. It can heal painful and hurt feelings. It can turn off mental defense mechanisms. It can open doors in the subconscious that are under lock and key to hide traumatic experiences, and much more.

This is because when you say; “………and that’s okay” and also really mean this, you are offering absolutely no resistance to “What is”

This is not a judgment ‘Okay’


Conditional love is judgment

You have to meet certain requirements to get love, otherwise you won’t get love (ego love/ mind love). You have to earn it by doing or having something. For example, to perform well or achieve something.

Unconditional love (self-love) is pure recognition without judgement

You get love no matter what you do or have. Just like a screen has unconditional love for every image that appears on it (heart love) because the screen doesn’t judge if one image is good enough or not. The person viewing the screen judges (conditional love) The screen recognizes and allows (unconditional love)

This self-love meditation allows you to use these valuable insights and train this simple skill so that it becomes automatic! You can consider this meditation as a fun game. So be playful and enjoy it!

This method works great with the old programming and conditioning that tries to keep you in the mental prison of the past

It’s not a mental prison if the programming/conditioning matches up with who you want to be, which is actually the point. Then it is not a mental prison but a mental palace where you, the king or queen of your subconscious, live.

This is why it is so important to keep the programming/ conditioning up to date and if necessary continue to adapt it to match who you want to be or who you want to become.

This method is therefore also a super simple, powerful self-hypnosis and self-love tool in one.

Self-hypnosis because you are continually neutralizing your old programming and conditioning (which are hypnotic suggestions) in the here and now.

Self-love because you do this by recognizing, acknowledging, respecting and accepting (that it is there) the old programming and conditioning without judgment, censorship and limitations.

This is unconditional love (self-love) for the thoughts because you don’t say they are right or wrong (which makes them stronger) You actually say “You are allowed to be there just as you are”

If you have any questions just let me know with the contact form at the bottom of this page. 

Self-love meditation – Everything is okay “And that’s okay that you say that”

Sit, lie or stand in a comfortable position. With your eyes closed or open (closed is easier) observe what is happening in your system in the here and now. Its just as simple as that or you can ask the question:

“What is happening in me here and now?”

You can relax, remain silent and say nothing and just observe. This is actually an Awareness mediation. More info? Click here: Awareness meditation

Or if you like you can allow this to develop into a Self-love meditation and begin to respond from out of your HEART to whatever is happening. You can say to:

  • Thoughts: “And that’s okay that you say that” or “Its okay to think this”
  • Feelings: “And that’s okay that you feel that” or “Its okay to feel this”
  • Events: “And that’s okay (that that happens)” or “Its okay to experience this”

This is a recognition “Okay” not an approval or a judgement “Okay”!

Be aware, this is NOT an approval or a judgement “Okay”
This is the simple recognition, respect and acceptance that these observable facts have happened or are happening.

It is also a confirmation that you are not the thoughts, feelings or events.

You are the perceiver of the events.

In other words: The Awareness. The Observer. The Watcher. The Consciousness.

You are ‘here’ and they are ’there’ metaphorically speaking. They continually come and go.

  • Do you come and go?
  • Or are you constantly in the here and now?
  • Are you a thought, emotion or sensation?
  • Or are you the observer of the thought, emotion or sensation?

Life has already determined that:

  • Thoughts are thought.
  • Images are seen.
  • Sounds are heard.
  • Feelings (emotions and sensations) are felt.
  • Events happen.

There is no point in trying to go against it if it has already happened.
Don’t try to go against life because life always wins.

By responding from the HEART you have unconditional love (Self-love) for what happens regardless of what it is.

  • This way you stay in tune with life.
  • You remain neutral without judging.
  • You offer absolutely no resistance.
  • You allow everything to go through you.
  • You respect everything as it is (just like the silent space of the here and now)
  • This is unconditional love for ‘what is’
  • This is non-duality (not two, no duality, one system) and non-duality is pure love without conditions.

This is Self-love

Stay established in your heart no matter what is thought or said!

Please be aware!
When you respond from out of your HEART in this way, you may experience a lot of resistance in the form of thoughts that say, for example:

  • “No it’s not okay”
  • “This is nonsense”
  • “You’re denying the truth”
  • “You don’t really believe that its okay”
  • “You’re scared”
  • “You can’t handle it”
  • “You shouldn’t be thinking this”
  • “You’re just fooling yourself”
  • “You know I’m right and your wrong and that’s why your doing this”
  • “If you say again that it is okay you are proving that it is not okay!”
  • “This is a stupid meditation”
  • And so on.

Don’t fall for this!
The mind is a trickster and will try to sell you suggestions that you don’t need and don’t want. Just like a ruthless salesperson will try to make you feel guilty and pressured so you will buy what he or she is selling.

Be aware that every thought is an hypnotic suggestion because it can influence your subjective reality if you accept or reject it.

If you try to convince the thought that the suggestion is not true by arguing with it you are saying that it is important and has to change for you (conditional love) and you go into duality (the mind) This will just strengthen the thought because what you resist persists.

If you just accept the suggestion as being true it will become true for you in your subjective reality.

Either way you are giving it importance and authority over you and are allowing it to hypnotize you (program and condition you) with what it suggests is true.

So by staying neutral (the heart) and transparent and not saying that the suggestion is right or wrong (judgement, the mind, conditional love) and you free yourself from it because it is the mind that is suggesting it, not you the Awareness that is aware of it.

The thought comes and goes, but you ‘Awareness’ don’t come and go with it.

So no matter what the mind says stay powerfully established in your HEART and respond to every thought with:

“And that’s okay that YOU say that”

Repeat the exact wording back

If you want to be even more precise, repeat the exact wording back. This is really fun to do! Turn it into a game 🙂 Here are some examples:

Thought says:

“You’re just kidding yourself”

You respond from your heart with:

“And it’s okay that YOU think I’m kidding myself”

Thought says:

“You don’t really believe it’s okay”

You respond from your heart with:

“And it’s okay that YOU think I don’t really believe it’s okay”

Thought says:

“This is a stupid meditation”

You respond from your heart with:

“And it’s okay that YOU think this is a stupid meditation”

Be aware!

Its also possible and quite probable in the beginning when you apply this Self-love meditation that you will experience MORE negative thoughts than normal. This is because this response works like a magnet for all resistance that is hidden ‘behind the scenes’ in your subconscious.

All the thoughts really what and need to do is honestly express themselves and when they have done this sufficiently without any resistance they can leave because their job is done.

Every thought is a limited perspective and therefore correct and incorrect at the same time. It just depends on how you look at it.

Perspectives of the truthEach thought is a representation and a comment from out of ONE fixed perspective out of an unlimited amount of possible perspectives. Its good to recognize this because every perspective is TRUE from the point of view of its own limited perspective.

So there’s no point in arguing which one is truer than the other because they are all true and not true at the same time. It just depends how you look at it.

The underlying truth that makes it possible to experience all the different limited perspectives is that we all have the ability to realize, perceive and therefore experience what is happening out of any perspective. This is always true for us all.

So when we respond to whatever is happening in that moment with “…..and that’s okay” we are recognizing and acknowledging this universal truth and by doing so we resonate with the natural flow of life in perfect harmony.

So no matter whatever thinking generates in the form of thoughts, keep responding out of unconditional love with:

“And that’s okay that you say that”

And become increasingly aware of how easily all the resistance of thinking is dissolved in the HEART of unconditional love and therefore disappears quicker and quicker each time. In this way you recognize and welcome all thoughts with unconditional love, respect and acceptance.

After the thoughts have received the recognition and respect they deserve and they have said everything they want to say, they can leave and usually they will not return in a hurry. If they do return, they will be recognized, accepted and therefore respected once again with an honest response from the HEART:

“And that’s okay that you say that”

Some other ways of responding

Some other ways of responding could be:

  • “And that’s your opinion”
  • “And you can say whatever you like”
  • “And you can think whatever you like”
  • “And you can believe whatever you like”
  • “And that is now recognized””
  • “And that is now respected”
  • “And that is now perceived”
  • “And its okay to think that”

Start your day with this simple, powerful, fun meditation game for 5 to 15 minutes or longer if you feel like it. Also utilize it through the day here and there for 5 or 10 minutes. Be playful with it because its fun and powerful at the same time.

Use it regularly through your day in your daily life and it will become automatic and therefore subconscious.

Realize how the quality of your life considerably increases over time because you respect everything that life offers you.

And because you don’t try to stop, hold on to or change anything, you remain neutral without judging and so you can honestly say:

“Everything is okay”

Would you like to learn some more about self-love? If so, click here: 

Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings    


Do you have a question about this subject?

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