Apply self-love to negative thoughts (and old hypnotic programming/ conditioning)
One of the most powerful sentences you can attach to a thought, feeling or experience is:
“….. and that’s okay”
In the context of applying self-love, the real meaning of this phrase is actually:
“…..and that is recognized”
“…..and that is perceived”
This is because when we use the word “Okay” in this context, it has a double meaning.
Your intellect hears the word “Okay” as a judgment because it ‘lives’ in duality (two) and is triggered by this if it disagrees.
And your heart just hears it as a statement without judgment because your heart knows nothing about judgments at all and ‘lives’ in non-duality (one). So it offers absolutely no resistance to ‘What is’.
Therefore, we can use it to our advantage to reveal negative thoughts, limited beliefs and old hypnotic programming which will over time neutralize them by applying self-love.
I call this phrase: “The magic secret key” = MSK
Secret because few people seem to know what it can do.
Magic because when properly applied it can neutralize all negative thoughts and old programming/conditioning. It can heal painful and hurt feelings. It can turn off mental defense mechanisms. It can open doors in the subconscious that are under lock and key to hide traumatic experiences, and much more.
This is because when you say out of your heart; “………and that’s okay” and also really mean this, you are offering absolutely no resistance to “What is”
This is NOT a judgment ‘Okay’ (how the intellect understands this word)
This IS a recognition ‘Okay’ (how the heart understands this word)
Conditional love or Unconditional love?
Conditional love is judgment
You have to meet certain requirements to get love, otherwise you won’t get love (ego love/ mind love). You have to earn it by doing or having something. For example, to perform well or achieve something.
Unconditional love (self-love) is pure recognition without judgement
You get love no matter what you do or have. Just like a screen has unconditional love for every image that appears on it (heart love) because the screen doesn’t judge if one image is good enough or not. The person viewing the screen judges (conditional love) The screen recognizes and allows (unconditional love)
This self-love meditation allows you to use these valuable insights and train this simple skill so that it becomes automatic! You can consider this meditation as a fun game. So be playful and enjoy it!
This method works great with the old programming and conditioning that tries to keep you in the mental prison of the past
It’s not a mental prison if the programming/conditioning matches up with who you want to be, which is actually the point. Then it is not a mental prison but a mental palace where you, the king or queen of your subconscious, live.
This is why it is so important to keep the programming/ conditioning up to date and if necessary continue to adapt it to match who you want to be or who you want to become.
This method is therefore also a super simple, powerful self-hypnosis and self-love tool in one.
Self-hypnosis because you are continually neutralizing your old programming and conditioning (which are hypnotic suggestions) in the here and now.
Self-love because you do this by recognizing, acknowledging, respecting and accepting (that it is there) the old programming and conditioning without judgment, censorship and limitations.
This is unconditional love (self-love) for the thoughts because you don’t say they are right or wrong (which makes them stronger) You actually say “You are allowed to be there just as you are”
If you have any questions just let me know with the contact form at the bottom of this page.
Self-love meditation – Everything is okay “And that’s okay that you say that”
Sit, lie or stand in a comfortable position. With your eyes closed or open (closed is easier) observe what is happening in your system in the here and now. Its just as simple as that or you can ask the question:
“What is happening in me here and now?”
You can relax, remain silent and say nothing and just observe. This is actually an Awareness mediation. More info? Click here: Awareness meditation
Or if you like you can allow this to develop into a Self-love meditation and begin to respond from out of your HEART to whatever is happening. You can say to:
- Thoughts: “And that’s okay that you say that” or “Its okay to think this”
- Feelings: “And that’s okay that you feel that” or “Its okay to feel this”
- Events: “And that’s okay (that that happens)” or “Its okay to experience this”
This is a recognition “Okay” not an approval or a judgement “Okay”!
Be aware, this is NOT an approval or a judgement “Okay”
This is the simple recognition, respect and acceptance that these observable facts have happened or are happening.
It is also a confirmation that you are not the thoughts, feelings or events.
You are the perceiver of the events.
In other words: The Awareness. The Observer. The Watcher. The Consciousness.
You are ‘here’ and they are ’there’ metaphorically speaking. They continually come and go.
- Do you come and go?
- Or are you constantly in the here and now?
- Are you a thought, emotion or sensation?
- Or are you the observer of the thought, emotion or sensation?
Life has already determined that:
- Thoughts are thought.
- Images are seen.
- Sounds are heard.
- Feelings (emotions and sensations) are felt.
- Events happen.
There is no point in trying to go against it if it has already happened.
Don’t try to go against life because life always wins.
The intention of using the magic secret key is to be okay with whatever is happening in the here and now!
This is so important that I’m going to repeat it over and over again!
The purpose of using the Magic Secret Key (MSK) is to be okay with what is happening in the here and now!
It is not to change things into what the intellect has decided must happen so that it can be happy later on. It is also not to strive for an end result in the future such as ‘now I am completely free’ or ‘now I have achieved inner peace’ or ‘now I am enlightened’ or ‘now I am healed’ Because these are other thoughts that the intellect thinks and these imaginary places do not exist in an imaginary future either.
They are mental illusions that the hypnotic salesperson (mind/intellect) is trying to sell you. They are just ideas and hypnotic suggestions, and if you fall for them and you identify with the thoughts, you will keep spinning endlessly in the duality of the mind. You will then constantly look for mental illusions in an imaginary future, and when you think you have found them, it will only be temporary because they are just ideas.
For the true inner peace that the intellect seeks is what you actually are and is thus free from the duality of thought that creates this duality.
Therefore, it is always accessible in the here and now by simply recognizing it and it can be easily recognized when you are just okay with whatever thoughts appear, because the thoughts no longer define ‘who’ you really are or what you should be doing.
That way it doesn’t matter if the thoughts are negative or positive. It also doesn’t matter what they say and how they talk to you because you are okay with them or not and therefore you experience inner peace in the here and now.
So the point of using the MSK is just to be okay with what’s happening in the here and now, even if the intellect isn’t okay with it (which is another thought as well) So the experience of connecting with the thoughts and recognizing them without judgment is the goal.
This means connecting to any thought without judging the thought as being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’
The thoughts are then constantly recognized (observed), respected (that they are allowed to be there), and accepted (not that they are right or wrong, but just that they are there). This is true self-love, unconditional love for ‘what is’ or in other words for ‘what is happening’
The goal of using the MSK is therefore always in the here and now.
It is NOT to reach an end result in the ‘not here’ and the ‘not now’!
This way you no longer care if they are there or not because you remain outside the duality of the mind, and at the same time you remain neutral and transparent in the non-duality of your heart. This is because your heart knows nothing at all about judging because you are actually your heart and not your intellect.
One definition of happiness is: Experience without resistance to ‘what is’ (happening).
When this is passive its experienced as ‘inner peace’ and when its active its experienced as ‘enjoyment’ because there is NO resistance to ‘what is’ (happening)
So by using the magic secret key at any time you can remove any resistance to ‘what is’ by applying unconditional love (self-love) by saying:
“…..and that is recognized”
“…..and that is perceived”
“…..and that is okay”
The heart only resonates without judging
When applying the magic secret key (self-love) to these type of thoughts over time it will neutralize them, but this is NOT the reason to use it.
The reason to use it is to just be okay with any thought that the intellect thinks in the here and now. This way you don’t have to wait for another time in the future (in the ‘not here’ and the ‘not now’) because you can recognize and therefore experience inner peace right here, right now, irrespective of whatever thought is being thought.
This way your inner peace or happiness is not defined by anything a thought says.
This is because when you stay in the heart, you stay neutral because the heart doesn’t know anything about judging or resisting. You just resonate magnetically with whatever you are resonating with at the time without making anything else ‘wrong’ that doesn’t resonate.
The intellect judges and therefore resists what it thinks is ‘wrong’
It is the intellect that judges its own thoughts to be ‘wrong’ because it lives in the duality (two). One part of it judges another.
One thought might say: “When I get rid of the resistance then I will be happy and have inner peace”
So basically what its saying is: “When I get rid of myself I will be happy and have inner peace!”
This is because the intellect IS the resistance.
And this is why it will go round and round endlessly in circles trying to get to the ‘not here’ and the ‘not now’ because it thinks its better there than the ‘here and now’. Ironically the imagined ‘not here’ and ‘not now’ is also happening in the ‘here and now’
The intellect may try to hijack the magic secret key and try to use it to ‘fix’ everything it has judged as ‘wrong’
At first your intellect will probably try to use this powerful hypnotic tool to change things to the way it thinks it has to be so it can get to a place called the ‘not here’ and the ‘not now’ which it often calls:
- ‘Healed now’
- ‘Balanced now’
- ‘enlightened now’
- ‘Got rid of all the negative thoughts now’
- ‘Inner peace now’
- ‘Made it now’
These are just other thoughts so be aware of them and give them also unconditional love (self-love) if this happens. What the intellect is looking for does not come and go and is always in the here and now and it is that very action of looking elsewhere that hides the recognition that everything it wants is always here and always now.
The intellect might try to get rid of the old hypnotic programming/ conditioning in any way possible because it thinks it will become happy that way.
The magic secret key is NOT used to get rid of any type of thought because it comes from the heart. In this context it is used to be okay with any thought that appears in the here and now.
Therefore when applied as suggested on this page it doesn’t matter if there are many negative or positive thoughts, or if there are no thoughts at all because you are just okay with whatever is happening in the here and now and are not trying to get to a place called the ‘not here’ and the ‘not now’ which of course is imaginary and therefore doesn’t exit.
Keep responding from your heart
By responding from your HEART you have unconditional love (Self-love) for what happens regardless of what it is.
- This way you stay in tune with life.
- You remain neutral without judging.
- You offer absolutely no resistance.
- You allow everything to go through you.
- You respect everything as it is (just like the silent space of the here and now)
- This is unconditional love for ‘what is’
- This is non-duality (not two, no duality, one system) and non-duality is pure love without conditions.
This is Self-love
Stay established in your heart no matter what is thought or said!
Please be aware!
When you respond from out of your HEART in this way, you may experience a lot of resistance in the form of thoughts that say, for example:
- “No it’s not okay”
- “This is nonsense”
- “You’re denying the truth”
- “You don’t really believe that its okay”
- “You’re scared”
- “You can’t handle it”
- “You shouldn’t be thinking this”
- “You’re just fooling yourself”
- “You know I’m right and your wrong and that’s why your doing this”
- “If you say again that it is okay you are proving that it is not okay!”
- “This is a stupid meditation”
- And so on.
Don’t fall for this!
The mind is a trickster and will try to sell you suggestions that you don’t need and don’t want. Just like a ruthless salesperson will try to make you feel guilty and pressured so you will buy what he or she is selling.
Every thought is an hypnotic suggestion
Be aware that every thought is an hypnotic suggestion because it can influence your subjective reality if you accept or reject it.
If you try to convince the thought that the suggestion is not true by arguing with it you are saying that it is important and has to change for you (conditional love) and you go into duality (the mind) This will just strengthen the thought because what you resist persists.
If you just accept the suggestion as being true it will become true for you in your subjective reality.
Either way you are giving it importance and authority over you and are allowing it to hypnotize you (program and condition you) with what it suggests is true.
So by staying neutral (the heart) and transparent and not saying that the suggestion is right or wrong (judgement, the mind, conditional love) and you free yourself from it because it is the mind that is suggesting it, not you the Awareness that is aware of it.
The thought comes and goes, but you ‘Awareness’ don’t come and go with it.
So no matter what the mind says stay powerfully established in your HEART and respond to every thought with:
“And that’s okay that YOU say that”
Repeat the exact wording back
If you want to be even more precise, repeat the exact wording back. This is really fun to do! Turn it into a game 🙂 Here are some examples:
“You’re just kidding yourself”
You respond from your heart with:
“And it’s okay that YOU think I’m kidding myself”
“You don’t really believe it’s okay”
You respond from your heart with:
“And it’s okay that YOU think I don’t really believe it’s okay”
“This is a stupid meditation”
You respond from your heart with:
“And it’s okay that YOU think this is a stupid meditation”
Its also possible and quite probable in the beginning when you apply this Self-love meditation that you will experience MORE negative thoughts than normal. This is because this response works like a magnet for all resistance that is hidden ‘behind the scenes’ in your subconscious.
All the thoughts really what and need to do is honestly express themselves and when they have done this sufficiently without any resistance they can leave because their job is done.
Every thought is a limited perspective and therefore correct and incorrect at the same time. It just depends on how you look at it.
Each thought is a representation and a comment from out of ONE fixed perspective out of an unlimited amount of possible perspectives. Its good to recognize this because every perspective is TRUE from the point of view of its own limited perspective.
So there’s no point in arguing which one is truer than the other because they are all true and not true at the same time. It just depends how you look at it.
The underlying truth that makes it possible to experience all the different limited perspectives is that we all have the ability to realize, perceive and therefore experience what is happening out of any perspective. This is always true for us all.
So when we respond to whatever is happening in that moment with “…..and that’s okay” we are recognizing and acknowledging this universal truth and by doing so we resonate with the natural flow of life in perfect harmony.
So no matter whatever thinking generates in the form of thoughts, keep responding out of unconditional love with:
“And that’s okay that you say that”
And become increasingly aware of how easily all the resistance of thinking is dissolved in the HEART of unconditional love and therefore disappears quicker and quicker each time. In this way you recognize and welcome all thoughts with unconditional love, respect and acceptance.
After the thoughts have received the recognition and respect they deserve and they have said everything they want to say, they can leave and usually they will not return in a hurry. If they do return, they will be recognized, accepted and therefore respected once again with an honest response from the HEART:
“And that’s okay that you say that”
Some other ways of responding
Some other ways of responding could be:
- “And that’s your opinion”
- “And you can say whatever you like”
- “And you can think whatever you like”
- “And you can believe whatever you like”
- “And that is now recognized””
- “And that is now respected”
- “And that is now perceived”
- “And its okay to think that”
Start your day with this simple, powerful, fun meditation game for 5 to 15 minutes or longer if you feel like it. Also utilize it through the day here and there for 5 or 10 minutes. Be playful with it because its fun and powerful at the same time.
Use it regularly through your day in your daily life and it will become automatic and therefore subconscious.
Realize how the quality of your life considerably increases over time because you respect everything that life offers you.
And because you don’t try to stop, hold on to or change anything, you remain neutral without judging and so you can honestly say:
“Everything is okay”
Here underneath is the second of six episodes that were recorded when I was on the highly recommended self empowerment podcast: Winning Within with Orlando Avalon. Warning these podcast episodes contain some very strong language so if you are easily offended this wont be for you. For the everyone else enjoy!
In session 1 there are in total six episodes that we did together and you can find them all here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1BfR9XNIMoKAntWhhWhODv
or all sessions on this website here: Winning Within podcast episodes
With many other great episodes of his own here:
Here underneath is the second half of the second recording of the same series of six podcasts.
In this second half you can experience how I use the technique (and others) explained on this page to communicate with the negative thoughts that came up. The first half of this recording you can find at the bottom of this page: Apply self-love to uncomfortable feelings
Notice how I after a while speak to the negative thoughts for Orlando and treat them with respect, not trying to get rid of them, not trying to change them and not even trying to intellectually understand them. I’m just recognizing them without judgement = Self-love and giving the hypnotic suggestion (negative thought) back to the hypnotic programming.
Notice also that I switch to giving self-love to the uncomfortable feeling that has been created by the negative thoughts.
You can speak to yourself in this way using self-love
The reason I have included this recording on this page is to give you a real world example of how you can speak to yourself using self-love. So please use this as an example and speak to yourself in this way from now on!
Warning this recording contains some very strong language so if you are easily offended this wont be for you. For the everyone else enjoy!
Would you like to learn some more about self-love? If so, click here:
Do you have a question about this subject?
Or would you like to make an appointment for a FREE CONSULTATION?
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